lelai

gone!

2006-09-09T01:39:00.000+08:00

this person has moved on! haha!

http://leahlao.blogspot.com/

this is where is am now. let's keep in touch.

the H questions

2006-08-09T00:44:00.000+08:00

have you ever been stuck in a rut and wondered how you're going to get out of it?

have you ever felt so alone and helpless because you've finally realized you're fighting a losing battle?

have you ever felt like there's no one you can count on when you're in that rut?

have you lost hope and wished that not having a tomorrow is the only solution to everything?

has anyone ever betrayed you, that after fighting for that person, believing that no matter what, you and that person are one and speak the same truth and lie at the same time and face whatever obstacle that you may face together, you wake up one day with that person gone? That finally that person has given up on you?

has anyone ever picked someone else over you?

has anyone put you so low that you'd wish to crawl back to bed and stay there for the rest of your life?

have you regretted doing things that you have just done?

have you ever wished that banging your head against the wall would give you the chance to erase the regrettable things and to do it over again?

have you looked at yourself in the mirror and saw nothing?

konti na lang

2006-07-06T21:36:00.000+08:00

Sarado na ang tindihan, on the dot, alas nueve impunto.

Pagkatapos makipag usap sa mga matataas na opisyal, pagkatapos magkaliwanagan sa ilang malalabong bagay, gumawa ng paalam, lumagda at nagligpit na ng mga kagamitan upang muling makapag bukas ng tindahan kinabukasan.

Ang hirap, konti na lang.. Makikita na lang akong biglang tumatakbo paroo't parito ng nakatalikod o di kaya'y inuuntog ang ulo sa pader, kumakain ng papel, nagsasalitang mag isa habang umaakyat ng 6th floor ala spiderman... Konti na lang at puputok na ang bulkan. Ang bulkang may ilang buwan ding nanatiling dormant.

Ang saya saya. Ang sakit sa ulo. Ang sakit sa mata-- tutukan sa computer. Ang sakit sa likod, yung aircon kasi nakatutok sa likod ko. Ang sakit sa lower back-- lagi naman eh.

Ni wala nang oras para kumain. Lahat ng food-- to go. Salamat sa Jollibee. Salamat sa kape. Salamat sa may ari at nagtayo ng Jollibee. Salamat sa naka imbento ng kape. Fabulous stuff.

Salamat sa Coldplay at Orange and Lemons. Salamat kay DJ Kimozave.

Salamat sa mga taong mahihirap kausap dahil mas naa-appreciate ko ang mga taong mababait, ang mga taong hindi nagtataas ng boses at hindi nagbabagsak ng telepono.

Salamat sa mga soap operas, sa mga music videos, sa mga damit, sa mga clinic dahil alam ko na kung pano sumakit ang ulo ko at kung hanggang saan ang kaya nito.

Salamat din sa mananayaw na hindi marunong tumanaw ng utang na loob, na naaalala ka lang pag may kailangan siya sa iyo at bigla kang nakakalimutan kapag kasama niya si darling. Sinungaling ka na nga, manggagamit ka pa. Ang lala mo p're! Give me five!

At dahil may buy 1 take 1 coffee coupon ako, dahil sarado na ang tindahan at ang dami kong nabenta, its time to celebrate! Yebah!

10 to 1

2006-06-22T22:49:00.000+08:00

10 FIRSTS

first best friend: florie na tlga eh
first screen name: esprit310
first pet name: wala, never had one
first piercing: my ears when I was a baby
first crush: si nitoy
first school: new era college
first house location: sampaloc, manila
first kiss: si nitoy, nyahaha
first thing bought with your savings/allowance: BOP magazine
first perfume: i cant remember the scent, bsta victoria's secret yun eh

9 LASTS

last time you smoked: hmmm
last food you ate: la paz batchoy lucky instant mami
last car ride: taxi this morning to work
last phone call: ate cheryl, about an hour ago
last song you listened to: love this way - eden's crush
last words you said: aaah!! (is that even a word?)

8 HAVE-YOU-EVERS

dated a best friend: NO!
been arrested: nope
been on TV: yes, in my most ghastly moment
eaten sushi: nope!
cheated on your BF/GF: nope
been on a blind date: yup!
been in love: yup
cried in public: a couple of times

7 THINGS YOU ARE WEARING

1. wooden bangles
2. jeans
3. earrings i made on my own
4. nike baller id
5. shoes i bought in ukay
6. makeup
7. victorian-ish top

6 THINGS YOU HAVE DONE TODAY

1. went to church
2. went to work
3. did the paper work
4. attended the code of conduct meeting
5. watched full metal alchemist
6. did my makeup

5 FAVORITE THINGS

1. My cellphone
2. My iPod and my mp3 collection, my cds too
3. my makeup - hehe
4. my shoes!
5. books!

4 PEOPLE YOU TRUST THE MOST

1. my parents
2. florie
3. cza
4. pam

3 THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE
YOU DIE

1. dive the great barrier reef
2. bungee jump
3. find the love/s of my life

2 CHOICES

1. vanilla or chocolate: vanilla
2. hugs or kisses: both!

1 PERSON YOU WANT TO SEE RIGHT NOW?

1.) si uhhhmmmm.... hehehe

Tag! Your IT!

Quiao
Xseth
Teng
Thess
Nhila
Cheryl
Cza
Ina

faceless

2006-06-15T19:41:00.000+08:00

Faceless. That's what he is.

I've lost him again. Once more, he eluded my grasps. Damn. I was so close. So close I can smell his perfume and the gel on his hair. So close our skin touch. And I tremble everytime that happens. I can hear him breathing. I can hear his heart beat. For me? Apparently not.

He's gone. The face of the man I have been searching for is gone. Evidently, he is not the face that should fit into the mold I've created for "the man of my dreams". Seemingly, he IS still a dream. Waiting to sweep me off my feet. Waiting to immortalize a fleet of my holed up emotions.

Yes, immortalize.

A faceless man to immortalize my emotions.

I think I'm going nuts.

the invitation

2006-06-05T14:31:00.000+08:00

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

- The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Go grab a copy of this book, only sold at A Different Bookstore. You won't regret it. Also, try getting her other books, The Dance and The Call.

bored and surviving

2006-05-15T11:45:00.000+08:00

Its been a while since I really took time to update my blog. Its been a while because nothing significant has been happening to me lately. Its been the same thing for the past couple of months. Work and work and more work. Out of town shows. Tapings and shootings and pictorials and all that showbiz stuff that seemed to have taken its toll on me. I've been doing these for the past two years and its getting to such a bore. Sundays wasted on waiting for that one gap for a live noontime show. Going to unknown territories and staying there for hours without doing anything but wait and wait some more. Mall shows and fiestas in almost all the major cities in the country. It's not so bad. It's just that I don't see any growth in it. I don't feel like I can do these things for ten years more. It's not that appealing to me anymore. Don't ask me why because I absolutely don't have any explanation. Or maybe I am just bored out of my wits. There's no challenge anymore. I think... My boss will be on leave for two months once she gives birth so that'll keep me occupied for the time being. But I've done that last year and I survived. I know I can be boss-less for two months, I can make it on my own. But this is a different boss so... Hmmmn.. I'll see.

My table's a mess and I'm not even exerting any effort to clean it up. Because if I do, it'll be too clean and I'll be too paranoid because its too clean so I'll mess it up again. Oh crap, what am I supposed to do? I'm just not myself lately. Yesterday while driving, I almost got hit twice. But luckily, I was able to avoid the cars so here I am, alive and kicking; bored and surviving.

torments

2006-05-09T23:09:00.005+08:00

How do you hold on to someone you’ve never met?

I came across this quote from a poster of an upcoming movie. And it got me thinking. How do you hold on to someone you’ve never met? How could anyone cling to the idea of meeting, in some time in the future, a person whom they believe is their partner, their soul mate, their destiny? And would you even wait for someone whose existence is unknown to you?

Why would anyone spend and waste their time waiting for a person they’ve never come across? Why would someone desire to experience and go through life with this person?

Why? And how?

so far... its been 60 things

2006-05-02T00:29:00.000+08:00

[x] I have eaten more than 5 meals a day.(^^;)
[x] I have read a lot of books.
[x] I have been on some sort of varsity team.
[ ] I have run more than 2 miles without stopping.
[] I have been to Canada.
Total = 3

[] I have been to Europe.
[x] I have watched cartoons for hours.
[x] I have tripped UP the stairs.
[x] I have fallen down an entire flight of stairs.
[] I have been snowboarding/skiing.
Total = 3

[x] I have played ping pong.
[x] I swam in the ocean.
[] I have been on a whale watch.
[x] I have seen fireworks.
Total =3

[x] I have seen a shooting star.
[] I have seen a meteor shower.
[x] I have almost drowned.
[x] I have been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear.
Total = 3

[x] have listened to one cd over & over & over again.
[x] have had stitches.
[x]I have been on the honor roll.
[] I have had frostbite.
[] I have licked a frozen pole and got stuck there
[x]I have stayed up til 2 doing homework/projects.
[x] I currently have a job.
[x] I experienced ice skating.
[x] I have been rollerblading.
[x] I have fallen flat on my face.
Total = 8

[x] I have tripped over my own two feet.
[] I have been in a fist fight.
[x] I have played videogames for more than 3 hours
straight.
[x] I have passed out from being drunk.
[x] I have watched power rangers.
total = 4

[x] I do attend Church regularly.
[x] I have played truth or dare.
[x] I have already had my 16th birthday.
[x] I have already had my 17th birthday.
[] I've lost weight since one year ago.
Total = 4

[x] I've called someone stupid. And meant it.
[x] I've been in a verbal argument.
[x] I've cried in school.
[] I've played basketball on a team.
Total = 3

[] I've played baseball on a team.
[] I've played football on a team.
[] I've played soccer on a team.
[] I've done cheerleading on a team.
[] I've played softball on a team.
[x] I've played volleyball on a team.
[]I've played tennis on a team.
[] I've been on a swim team.
[] I've been on a golf team.
Total = 1

[x] I've been swimming more than 20 times in my
life.
[] I've bungee jumped.
[] I've climbed a rock wall.
[x] I've called myself an idiot.
[x]I've cried myself to sleep.
[] I've had (or have) pets.
Total = 3

[] I've owned a spice girls cd.
[x] I've owned a britney spears cd.
[x] I've owned an N*Sync cd.
[x] I've owned a backstreet boys cd.
Total = 3

[x] I've been in the newspaper.
[x] I've been on TV.
Total = 2

[ ] I've been to Hawaii.
[x] I've eaten sushi.
[x]I've been on the other side of a waterfall.
[x] I've watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies.
[x] I've watched all of the Harry Potter movies.
Total = 4

[] I've watched all of the Rocky movies.
[x] I've watched the 3 stooges.
[x] I've watched "Newlyweds" Nick & Jessica.
[x] I've watched Looney Tunes.
[] I've been stuffed into a locker.
Total = 3

[x] I've been called a geek.
[x] I've studied hard for a test and got a bad grade.
[x] I've not studied at all for a test and aced it.
Total = 3

[x] I've hugged my mom within the past 24 hrs.
[x] I've met a celebrity/music artist.
[x] I've written poetry.
[] I've been arrested.
Total = 3

[x] I've been tickled till I've cried.
[x] I've had/have siblings.
[x]I've been to a rock concert.
Total = 3

[x] I've listened to classical music and enjoyed it.
[x] I've been in a play.
[] I've been picked last in gym class.
[x] I've been picked first in gym class.
[x] I've been picked in that middle-range in gym class.
Total = 4

i have lived through 60 things in my entire life... ala lang.

i don't wanna work!

2006-04-08T21:36:00.000+08:00

its been hectic, these past four weekends.

1 st - davao, cagayan, ozamiz then back to cagayan

2nd - davao - balikan! fly in the morning, fly out in the evening

3rd - cebu - ganun din! parang makati lang ang cebu sa akin!

4th - i've got this new alaga and the first time i met her, i swear, i am not gonna like her talaga forever!!! bad vibes grabe! parang reincarnation ng aking former alaga who sought "greener pastures" daw. and the mom! para namang reincarnation ng mom ng aking former alaga! ohmigash.

i am sooo looking forward to the holidays this coming week. plus my birthday's coming up and i don't feel like celebrating at all. i just wanna sleep and sleep and probably eat and have a few drinks and then sleep and then go back to work the following day. i live such a boring life. its kinda getting to me. this work and the people i deal with everyday. and the artistas don't appeal to me anymore. except for piolo and echo. and maybe diet and tin and claudine and gretchen and bing loyzaga and boss vic and marvin and martin and cherie gil. but the rest, hohummm... so so na lang. haaay, what a sad and sordid life. wala na bang iba? taping, pictorial, shooting, vtr, audition, workshop, presscon, storycon, recording, meeting, assembly, premiere nights??? pare-pareho na lang! and to think i'm just in my second year with this job. i think i'm just getting sentimental coz i'm gonna get a year older again. oh well.

basilio! crispin! nasaan kayo?

2006-02-21T20:11:00.000+08:00

nalalagas na sila... isa isa... bakit isa isa silang nag aalisan? may mali ba? may hindi ba dapat? ano na ba ang nangyayari sa mundo? bakit kailangang may umalis? bakit kailangang mag iwan ng mga alaalang matatamis at mapapait?

yuck! ang shquanks!

pero serious yun, bakit oh bakit?! hindi ito makatarungan!

wala na nga akong ginagawa sa opisina! tapos ganito pa! ano ba yan, kuya? palabasin mo na nga si john!

celebrity rants beep! beep

2006-01-28T18:44:00.000+08:00

beep! beep! i'll just honk for warning. baka kasi may tamaan..

who would ever understand the temperaments of artistas??? i thought i would have gotten used to their tantrums and unfathomable requests but no. i sometimes find myself amazed at their stupidity and shallowness. as if they couldn't function without the help of other people. but! i am not generalizing here. i'm talking about most, if not all. some, at a very early time, are way over their heads and thinks that they already made it. like they are some big star or singer or something. i guess that's what the industry does to a person. sometimes though, its very disappointing. especially if you grew fond of that certain person wherein you follow them around, try and make their requests plausible (i mean, guava shake at 1am?!), assist them during tapings, live shows etc. i just dont understand why a celebrity-to-be tend to lose himself in the process of making it big. is because of people like me? who gives in to their every need. is it because of the fans? who are worse than me. they give stuff to these celebs even without their asking and what's more! when they do ask, they still give it to them. but then again, some don't really know the value of the fans. they walk right past them so that the fans wouldn't get the chance to have their pictures taken. they ignore the screams. they don't smile to them or even wave at them.

and some celebs are like these. they seem nice at first. they chat with you, have a few drinks with you, go out with you even and then all of sudden, they turn cold.

oh i am not making sense, am i? i think just have a bad case of "celebrititis". whatever that means. no, i am not allergic to them (thank heavens for that! i hafta work!) and no, i am not gonna avoid them. i think all i have to do and should continue doing is to understand them. because, yes, they are popular but above all, what do i have that they don't?

actually, i have two.

freedom and privacy. sorry... =)

backstreet's back!

2006-01-22T00:55:00.000+08:00

Enough said. . . i still have a hangover... can't believe i was there! my gash! everything's a blur! it was soo fun and i don't regret watching it at all! i must admit, the backstreet boys were a huge part of my high school life.. even if it seemed silly then.

the bsb stage before the concert.. why i took this pic, i don't know... excited?! must be. after their hiatus, of course naman, i am excited and to see them perform live! the audience were mostly girls of course but there were a couple of parents there as well as some guys who looked like they would've been in a greyhoundz concert instead. for real! they looked odd considering the majority of the audience were girls and women.

the bsb fanatics: that's ate nhila and i. we didn't think we would get good seats because we bought the tickets late na but we weren't disappointed at all. it was a good view from where we were seated. ate nhila was so worried that the vacant seats wouldn't be filled, baka daw madala ang bsb at never nang bumalik.. but we were wrong of course! the place was packed! even at the bleachers!

THEY
ARE
BACK!

i can't hear myself from all the screaming!! when the lights suddenly went out, my gash, everyone was in a frenzy! and when the lights went back on, there they were... aj, howie, nick, bryan and kevin... oh my gash! they are sooo back!

The Backstreet Boys: Never Gone

i still can't believe they were here. it was soo fun. they sang a couple of songs from their never gone album and some of their hits as well. they were soo nice too. when they were singing the call, howie said "we missed you" and the screaming grew even louder, if it weren't loud enough. who would forget anywhere for you, shape of my heart, drowning, more than that, incomplete, everybody, all i have to give, as long as you love me or quit playing games with my heart?! it was more than i expected. the show was an hour and a half long which was great compared to other foreign artists who wouldn't even give in to the "more! more!" shouting of the audience. boohoo. but BSB were gracious about it and for their encore, they sang backstreet's back. most suitably, i must add. and then it was over... they were gone but not really. they'll be back.

happy ka ba?

2006-01-15T21:53:00.000+08:00

January 15, 2006 / 3:56 p.m. / Cibo

ate jing: di ba may tatanong ka kay leah.. tanong mo na.

ate issa: onga pala... happy ka ba?

leah (dumbfounded): huh?!

ate issa: happy ka ba?

leah: uuhh.. sometimes yes, sometimes no...? pwede ba yun?

ate issa: pwede naman.

girls change topic and orders arrived. they eat.

*** end of conversation about being happy ***

bangag ka ba o ako?

2006-01-07T03:14:00.000+08:00

the highlight of tonight's event wasn't that big compared to what just happened during our "supposed" dinner break.."supposed" sha kasi when we (talent center peeps) decided to eat out at dinky's, the service was bad and super slow that just when the food arrived, the show was already starting.

anyway, everything we ordered weren't available except for tapsilog so shempre, no choice but to pick that one na lang din. when food finally arrived, ate janice asked for ketchup for the egg and suka for the tapa.. ahahay... gusto ko tanungin yung waiter kung sino sa kanila ni ate janice ang bangag eh. binigyan nga nya kami ng suka at ketchup -- mixed! as in nasa iisa shang bowl, magkahalo ang suka at ketchup... duh?!?! who in their right (or even wrong) mind would actually eat their food with that?!? pakain ko kaya sa kaniya para malaman niya kung anu yung hinahain nya sa amin. everyone was either laughing dahil super stupid nya or naiinis kasi nagmamadali na nga kami, nakuha pa nyang mang-gago (sinasadya man nya or hindi). pero di na namin pinatulan. duh, kaya nga sha waiter eh (as per ate issa..)..

ayun lang. corny noh. pero... ketchup at suka... maghukom na.

mega, ikaw ba yan???

2006-01-06T09:04:00.000+08:00

my very first special projects event with ate love since na-rotate ako sa kanya... ahahay...

mega, ikaw ba yan???

sorry but she's still huge.

nevertheless, i think i am a sharonian na. she's so funny and walang ere. of course, she's the mega star and she has special priviliges but when she was rehearsing with sam, she was kind enough to help him out. sam was bulol and nahihiya kasi he's bulol so when he can't pronounce the words (the songs were tagalog kasi), he would laugh it out. kala niya di obvious, pero halata noh! sharon was ecstatic though xempre kasama niya sa number na yun si sam and piolo, of course naman!!! also, natuwa sya sa mga alaga kong singers. well, glad that she did. magaling kaya mga alaga namin noh.

makapagpa-picture nga later sa taping. nyehehe.

my contradicting self...

2005-12-30T23:18:00.000+08:00

i should stop obssessing about being single.

my parents/family/relatives can't stop, my friends are pushing me (as if its my choice to be single) and people who'm i've only met can't stop themselves from asking me why. ugh! lets all be a bit sensitive here, guys. if i can find reason to singledom, heck, i could've written a thesis about it, yeah? but hey, gimme a break. at least, i'm giving myself a break.

i have learned from a certain person that it could really take a while. some things just have to come first. hey, i am not that old, as memei pointed out a few weeks ago.=p so if its work i should be focusing now, thats where i'll put all my energy into. from a band i am so into now, as they say, strike whilst the iron is hot. work while there is work to do. and anyway, if its gonna happen, its gonna happen... ergo, if Gods will, it will. (i can hear kris aquino say, "may tama ka!" weird...)

*****************************************************

i am a woman possessed. they are as real to me at the sun that rises every morning yet they are a dream that escapes me during the night, in that moment when i am awake yet in a deep slumber.

labo ba?

try being me for an hour, at this moment, baka maintindihan mo.

i have this thing for december affairs. ewan ko ba. well, this time, its a major delusion talaga. but anyhow, i don't mind. it keeps me smiling nowadays, walang nakakasira ng mood ko lately and not only that, it kept, and helped me stop, from thinking about a certain december guy din. woohoo! faboolous! but the thing is, everywhere i look, i see him. i hear him. i sense him. i even smell him for crying out loud! i turn on the tv, i see him. i turn on the radio, i see him. i close my eyes, damn, i see him. i dream about him.

yes, its december yet again. and about to close, i might add. its that time of the year. but he is a figment of my imagination. a mirage in this desert that i am treading. a fallacy of the truth i have been so rightly seeking. a fantasy...

i am stuck in a moment that wasn't meant to last...

2005-12-24T23:00:00.000+08:00

DISCLAIMER: This is going to be a picture-blog entry.

I was looking forward to our family vacation- finally an escape from work!!! Oh and did I enjoy every moment! Yes, I am gushing! I loved it. And it crushed my dear heart that its over...

So our first stop for the vacay was Bohol. Obviously! This is a pic of a part of the 1,268 chocolate hills which is the main tourist attraction in Bohol. To get this view, you hafta climb 214 steps at the complex. But after that sorta exercise, it'll leave you with a fabulous, fabulous view like this. Ang galeng nga ng shot coz its like someone was opening up the hills for us. Notice where the light side and the dark side separates? Shox! Heaven!

Tarsius syrichta

This is a tarsier. Apparently.
TRIVIA!!!

Each tarsier's eye is bigger than the entire brain.

They can rotate their head almost 180 degrees in each directions, like owls.

We ate lunch in one of the floating restaurants at the Loboc River and there was this place near where they hald tarsiers captive. Nice! Taking this pic was a truly huge effort as they keep leaping from tree to tree. Its nice though, right?

Our last night in Bohol and I got this fabulous sky during sunset. Yeah, it was nice there. Even nicer than Boracay- the sand much finer, the beach more secluded, the food fantastic! We went to see the shrine where Rajah Soliman and Legaspi made a blood compact, tarsiers (cute!!!) and of course, the Chocolate Hills. The people there are accomodating and nicer as well. And I'm not talking about the hotel people. I'm talking about the locals. Bohol is my new favorite place in the world!

Next stop, is Cebu. Now I've been to Cebu hundreds of times already but I haven't been able to go around - island hopping, snorkeling and I haven't been to the Top! Its the highest point in Cebu where you can see the whole city. The view was fantastic!

This is the view from the Top. Going there from Mactan took us almost an hour, we were trying to catch the sunset but yeah, traffic happens in Cebu as well so this is what was left for us to see. But hey, i'm not the one to complain if what you'll see is this! Fab! Fab! Fab!

When we got back to the hotel, this is what I saw from our veranda. The view was breath taking!!! I can't get over it til now! It was nostalgic! I had to sit out and stare and ogle. So it was a bit chilly, must've been nicer to be cuddling with someone but what the heck! I can manage. Wahahaha!

I woke up the next day, at exactly 6am, to catch a glimpse of a sunrise view from the veranda. But I was kinda disappointed because it was cloudy and there was a soft drizzle outside. I took this picture though and it is still nice. Calming is the right word. I went back to sleep though. Hehehe...

When I woke up again, I thought I would see the sun shining but no... The rain didn't stop until we left Cebu. Sad that we left already, the weather was going along with my mood. Darn it. I enjoyed our vacay though. I was sooo looking forward to it and I wasn't disappointed at all. Now, I'm back and stressed already. Guess who's making me stressed?! Guess! Guess! Walang clue!

Horoscope for tomorrow

2005-12-24T21:39:00.000+08:00

Confused about the rules for the game of love? Well, no wonder, because some people you're associating with don't know how to play fair. Make your own set of rules -- and stick to them.

*** yeah, right. bite my *ss. hmpf!

Horoscope for today

2005-12-24T21:30:00.000+08:00

You're aces at speaking your mind, but when it comes to a potential romance, try and be a bit more circumspect. Your boisterous sense of humor might unnerve this person if they're not used to it.

*** i hate it. FYI. Don't understand the entire text. There's a certain word that I don't like. Hmpf. Grrr.

ultraelectromagneticjam: a tribute

2005-12-05T15:00:00.000+08:00

ULTRAELECTROMAGNETICJAM: THE MUSIC OF ERASERHEADS

my friend told me about this cd but i never knew it was out already until last saturday, when clem of O & L told me that yep, it was out and they did huwag kang matakot. cool! i went out and bought it as soon as i had the time. i wasn't disappointed! their version of my mom's fave song was done wonderfully! you can hear clem pluck a few keys of julie tearjerky in the adlib of huwag kang matakot, galeng!

Just so you know, the cd includes the following songs:

1. Alapaap - 6 Cycle Mind
2. Magasin - Paolo Santos
3. Spoliarium - Imago
4. Overdrive - Barbie Almalbis
5. With a Smile - South Border
6. Tikman - Sugarfree
7. Ligaya - Kitchie Nadal
8. Torpedo - Isha
9. Superproxy - Francis M.
10. Huwag Kang Matakot - Orange and Lemons
11. Pare Ko - Spongecola
12. Huwag Mo Nang Itanong - M.Y.M.P.
13. Hard to Believe - Cueshe
14. Alcohol - Radio Active Sago Project
15. Maling Akala - Brownman Revival
16. Ang Huling El Bimbo - Rico J. Puno
17. Para sa Masa - Various Artists

of all the songs in the album, i love:
a. huwag kang matakot - i love the song na kasi so when orange and lemons did their own version, i fell in love with the song all over again!
b. magasin - paolo santos' version still sounds a bit of the original but he puts his own style into this song making it one of my fave as well.
c. huwag mo nang itanong - what is mymp doing in an eraserheads album?? what they do best! revive a song! mejo tranquil ang dating ng revision nilang 'to, fab! swabe!
d. tikman - ewan ko ba, after seeing them perform live, i just love them. kaya siguro kahit anong kantahin nila, maganda para sa akin.
e. alcohol - i just love them! no other words to describe them. their version, double fab!!!
f. ligaya - in fairness to kitchie, kahit di daw mashado maganda ugali niya, maganda naman yung version nya ng song na 'to.
g. ang huling el bimbo - my gash! i dont know what this man is doing in this album as well, but he did a fantastic (and hilarious) job singing this eheads classic.
h. superproxy - francis m doing eheads?! you gotta hear this guys! he even did a rap part sa kanta, galeng!

as expected, sponge cola, cueshe and 6 cycle mind failed to meet my eheads standards. maybe because i already have a prejudice against their laos performances. newei, sinayang nila yung prestige of reviving eheads songs, hmpf. dapat sinama na lang ang parokya ni edgar, rivermaya, itchyworms, hale, bamboo, joey ayala and greyhounds even! to do their own more familiar and missed eheads songs like minsan, toyang, tindahan ni aling nena, kaliwete, maselang bahaghari, sembreak, maskara, julie tearjerky, harana, tuwing umuulan at kapiling ka! oh well...

south border and imago did a so-so rendition of with a smile and spoliarium. i didn't like barbie's overdrive at all! yuck. parang naligaw xa, the same goes for isha for reviving TORPEDO! hello?! a girl singing torpedo?!?

but overall, i love the cd. i'm a huge, huge eraserheads fan and i know hindi naman makakarating 'to, but i wanna thank all the artists for paying tribute to immortalize the 90s greatest band ever, eraserheads!

go graba a copy! get the original guys, please. iba pa rin ang orig! para sa eheads naman ito...

senti senti senti senti senti PART 2

2005-11-28T16:25:00.000+08:00

If I reach for your hand, will you hold it? If I hold out my arms, will you hug me? If I go for you lips, will you kiss me? If I capture your heart, will you love me?

Love does not recognize time. Love is waiting for that special person even if it takes forever.

Once in a lifetime you meet someone that takes your breath away, not because you want them to, but because they were meant to.

I wanna be the girl he looks at from across the room, smiles, and says to his friends, "That's her."

Meeting you was faith, being your friend was by choice, but falling in love with you was out of my hands.

Loving someone doesn't mean you have to be with that someone, because sometimes Fate plays a fool on us and we are not meant to be together. But still, there is love between us.

Heartless I may be, for angels fly free; yet here I hope, to see him fall for me.

One day my Prince Charming will come, he just got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions!

Some of us think holding on makes us strong; But sometimes it is letting go. -Hermann Hesse

It's like a knife through the heart when it all falls apart. It's like someone takes a pin to your balloon. It's hole, it's a cave, it's kinda like a grave, when he tells you that he's found somebody new. Why they call it fallin', now I know.

Don't worry if he catches you looking at him 'cause it only means that he's looking back.

Find the one you can be yourself in front of, you can say anything to, you can laugh, you can smile, you can cry, scream, kiss, and hug. Y'all can fight, make up at the end of the night and he'd still be crazy about you!

You cupped my face with your hands, you gently held me with your eyes; I was lost in a whirlwind of spellbound emotions - and I hadn't received your kiss yet! Forever and exhilarating bliss were captured in that moment, the moment you captured my breath and my heart.

If the one you desire isn't interested, it's their loss. Don't make it yours.

I've fallen for someone, but I don't want to get up!

Sometimes you've gotta break the rules and stand apart, ignore your head and follow your heart.

A good woman inspires a man. A brilliant woman interests him. A beautiful woman fascinates him. But a sympathetic woman gets him.

Find arms that will hold you at your weakest, eyes that will see you at your ugliest, lips that will kiss you in both instances, and a heart that will love you at your worst. Only then will you have found your true love.

I would give all I have for the one thing that cannot be bought.

For every day there must be a night. For every question there must be an answer. For every dream there must be a realization. I pray that you could be the nights for my days, the answer to all of my questions. But most of all I would wish for you to be the realization to all of my dreams

I’ve been alone with you inside my mind, and in my dreams I’ve kissed your lips a thousand times. I sometimes see you pass outside my door. Hello, is it me you’re looking for? I can see it in your eyes; I can see it in your smile. You’re all I’ve ever wanted and my arms are open wide, because you know just what to say, and you know just what to do, and I want to tell you so much - I love you. - Lionel Richie - "Hello"

If nothing happens and you still have no one beside you...
If at night before you sleep,, you feel empty...
If in the morning you wake up and find it hard to find a reason to live another day...
If in the midday, you're stressed at work and needs someone to talk to...
If you get home and find yourself alone and aching...
If you're angry and hurt and wants to hurl your frustrations to someone...
If your question and doubts are left unaswered...
If your heart yearns for something, someone that doesn't yearn for you...
Let me be that person.
Someone who'll stay with you no matter what.
Someone who'll sleep beside you thru the night and still be the same person you wake up to the next day.
Someone who'll check up on you when you get to work, if you've had your lunch or your break.
Someone you'll look forward coming home to.
Someone who will take all your cursings and angst against everyone and no one.
Someone who might not have all the answers but is willing to search for them with you.
Someone who'll put their arms around you and say "Wake up sleepyhead..."
Someone who'll make and drive you mad but still love that she's making and driving you mad.
Someone who'll be your reason for every single thing you'll be doing for the rest of your life.
Someone who'll catch you when you fall and is willing to do it over and over again even if you are not falling for her...
Yes.
I am that and so much more.
But your heart yearns for another heart.
And so I taught my heart to stop yearning for yours.
But...
My heart is stubborn.
My heart has a mind of its own.
My heart is still yours.
But i am learning to let go while still hoping that someday your heart will yearn for mine.
So for now, you rest in the deepest part of my heart.
If one day, you realize your heart should be with mine, it will find what its looking for.
My heart's not that hard to find.
Its just waiting and biding for her time-
Her time to make you realize she is the reason, the life, the other soul that you were looking for, all this time...

senti senti senti senti senti

2005-11-28T12:49:00.000+08:00

i'm in senti mode for three days straight, gosh, its highly frustrating! i never knew it could be this hard. last saturday, as i was waiting for a friend, i decided to sit out in the garden outside studio 1. having had dinner a few minutes earlier, i was full and kinda sleepy already. which got me into a senti, dreamy mode... bad idea! to be sitting outside, alone and having a self-pity breakdown. grrr. i thought to myself, "masarap din siguro yung may nayayaya ka pagkatapos mo sa trabaho, magkape or tea, tambay lang. yung thought na may kasama ka kapag wala ka nang ginagawa. yung isang tao na you'd look forward to seeing after a long day from work..." beep. my phone alerted with a text message from my dad, nasa ministop na daw sila. haay, nandito yung sundo ko "kelan kaya ako magkakaroon ng ibang sundo? not that i mind na sinusundo ako ng tatay ko, but sana. . . iba naman..." waaah! got in the car and guess what song's playing??? this song :

Kung Wala Ka

Hale

Natapos na ang lahat
nandito pa rin ako
hetong nakatulala
sa mundo

hindi mo maiisip
hindi mo makikita
ang mga pangarap ko
para sa iyo

oh..
hindi ko maisip
kung wala ka
oh..
sa buhay ko

nariyan ka pa ba
hindi ka na matanaw
kung merong madadaanang
pasulong

sundan mo ang paghimig na lulan
na aking pinagtanto
sundan mo ang paghimig ko

*********************************************************

FOLLOWED BY:

Heaven Knows (This Angel Has Flown)
Orange and Lemons

There are times when I’m lying in my bed
How I bellow and cry from this stupid get
And my eyes are like windshields on a rainy day
Almost rubbed-out, swelling as I keep on
Digging my face in these cold hands of mine
Heaven knows how embittered I am

‘Cause this angel has flown away from me
Leaving me in drunken misery
I should have clipped her wings
And made her mine for all eternity

Now this angel has flown away from me
Thought I had the strength to set her free
I did what I did because I love her so
Will she ever find her way back home to me, ahh

I’m so tired, I feel like catching forty-winks
Being up all night in this elbow-room that puts me in a trance
Where hopes and dreams come true
Now, my lips are burning and my eyes are hurting
From these fumes I make, still I light another cigarette
Just to pass my time, oh, heaven knows how embittered I am

*********************************************************

Sunday: had our sunday session with my kampons. it was fab! i missed them sobra! after surfing through the shows on tv, we resolved to watching on dvd The Exorcism of Emily Rose. Anticipating morbid and graphic visuals, I was kinda holding my breath to see whats gonna happen next. Ha, I was a bit disappointed because it wasnt as scary as i was expecting. but it was good. ang galing umarte nung lead actress. had cza, mei and arlee sleep over our house cause my entire family went to cavite. duh! after watching exorcism, who would want to sleep alone in their house, right? but inspite of having seen that movie and having been able to hang and chat with my friends, why am i still in senti mode come monday morning??? i dunno...

when we ate breakfast earlier, arlee said he's old na coz he's already 23, turning 24 next year. cza then realized we will be turning 23 next year. mei, the youngest in our group, 20 yrs old, immediately pointed this out to me "shocks! leigh,mag 23 kna! mag boyfriend ka na noh! matanda ka na! baka maunahan pa kita ha." uhhh... thanks for rubbing it in mei, friend talaga kita.

kaya't eto, when everyone went home na, me -- back to senti mode. ugh!

2005-11-18T03:21:00.000+08:00

its almost 3am and i am a bit tipsy and someone just asked me "can i date you?"... do guys usually ask that? i have been asked with that question for the first time in my entire life.. what do i answer..? i said no..

hell yeah, i did. ewan ko ba. i think i am just scared because i havent been exactly in the dating scene for quite sometime now and i dont really think i am ready at the moment. am i willing to give it a try? i dont really know...

i might. i might not. i may find out in a couple of days though. as for now, i like talking to him. i like having arguments with him. i like the poems he wrote.

hay naku. who knows? who knows? i dont...

****************************************

now, i just asked someone... "are you willing to risk it?" and he said," yes, i am. i am willing to risk it all. i've risked it once, i am willing to risk it again." gosh. i wish someone would say those things to me. hehe.

but no. that was my friend talking about some girl he had been courting for almost a year now. yep he's willing to risk it all. so now its all up to this girl. haaay, i hope the girl realizes what she's missing!

and speaking of risks, if ever someone IS willing to risk it all for me, i would have to think if i can do the same for him. kasi i am a bit conscious of my actions now. i not only think once, i think twice and thrice. i've learned my lesson (the freakin hard way) so i am very careful of my actions now. not only for myself but for the entire mankind as well. hehe.

****************************************

i hope made sense... wahaha!

creepy! creep! creepy!

2005-11-15T14:44:00.000+08:00

its doesn't seem such a big deal now but i hafta get it out of my system. last week, i had been to two of my now most dreaded place in the entire universe : the marikina city jail and the makati regional trial court.

it was soo creepy! tuesday i was at the city jail and the next day, at some judge's court.

the inmates were scary as hell, considering the standby area was right outside the cell of the minor delinquents. even though they were minors, gosh, they would look at you straight in the eye and stare at you like you're some kind of a painting or exhibit. the guards were never lenient though, as some of them did some real serious criminal cases like rape and murder.

the court trial was a one in a million experience though i will not divulge any more information why i was there. scary! it was like in the movies and tv shows! but the language used in the court is english. i wondered why though so i asked our attorney. she said that its much better to use english because its easier to write in steno than in filipino.. aaah! that made a lot of sense. i was silently laughing when some guy introduced himself as the interpreter. i was like, what are we gonna do sign language here?? then, i realized, that was his job. when someone answers in filipino, he translates it in english for the stenographer. that was one trivia for me! hehe. gladly though, we won't be returning to that dreadful place anymore. gosh! it was unbelievable even as the interpreter asked me to raise my right hand and swore me to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the freaking truth! haaay. anu ba yan. soo glad that its over.

********************************************************************

now, i had been wondering for the past few days... what is it with virgins? why does it appeal to guys soo much? i mean, so what if the girl is a virgin, why make such a big fuss over it? yeah yeah, yeah i know... there are a few girls left untouched kasi, is that it? so what? crap, SO WHAT??? di ba. just when a guy is about to turn and walk away, you shout "I'M STILL A VIRGIN!!" he glances backs and runs to you with open arms.

okei, so that's a bit exaggerating but its kinda like that in a way. haaay, guys! men! sometimes you wonder if which head of theirs does the thinking.

mystery you

2005-11-10T20:24:00.000+08:00

From time to time I take a fix
of what life has to offer
Sometimes I try to order something
simple yet something
complicated will always arrive.
Life can be boring if we let
life dictate what we should do
Life can always make us
smile of something
we used to cry about.

The chances we take will always
be credited to this life or in another.
Even if we are dreamers in our
own little world still dreams
can give us hope in this
melodramatic arena we
call life.
Life is full of crap no matter
what direction I look
The only thing life gave me
so precious is the mystery
of being with you.

By: Francis ^_^

batangas outing!

2005-11-03T21:23:00.000+08:00

i can't wait! i can't sleep! we're going to batangas tomorrow for some "real break" for work! and its the first time i'm going there with talent center people. whooopppeee!!! quality time, yebah! ^_^

madonna and tanya

2005-11-02T00:47:00.000+08:00

i saw madonna's documentary earlier in one of the cable movie channels and yes, i am a fan. not because she's a great singer or a great dancer or performer but because she was able to live a life that she wanted and she is still living that kind of life. no matter what it took, she got it. no matter what people said, she did it. and she did some really nasty and provocative stuff in her early days as the material girl. but i guess, when the idea of having that documentary popped into her head, she didn't think that people will see her for who she really is. she's not the vogue girl or the material girl or the girl who sang 'like a virgin', she was a lonely girl. she lost her mom when she was five and though her dad was a loving father, it still wasn't enough to fill the void inside her. she was lonely though she was into the 'now', she was in the moment yet in her fast paced life, she lost the time to reflect and slow down and appreciate everything that was happening to her. she demanded a lot from everyone thats why everyone demanded a lot from her too. it was kinda sad because she IS madonna, the IT girl but it seemed like the success that she had then wasn't enough. heck, i dont know what was missing but if u were to watch that documentary, you would notice that her eyes were sad. her face was smiling but not her eyes.

now i love her for that, because she was bold enough to document her life as she was doing this tour and because she stood up just when everyone was dragging her down. she didn't give in. she wasn't right in her decisions at times but what mattered was it was her own decision, she made it and she didn't back down. she regretted a few i guess but if it was me, i'd be more proud because at least, i am able to look back and say i didn't have any 'what ifs'.

what took me in actually was when madonna visited her mom's tomb. just recently, one of my alaga's mom died. tanya texted me last thursday, saying we've got another angel watching over us. i met her mom once, when i arranged for her a meeting with my boss and it was only then that i learned that tita pinky had cancer and that two months prior to that meeting, her body stopped responding to chemo. i was taken by surprise with tanya's text and i didn't know what to say or do. i then resolved to texting tanya and so she told me that they cremated her mom early that thursday morning according to her mom's wish. and another one of her mom's wishes was to have a big party in honor of her which they will be having on november 9.

i admire tanya's strength from organizing everything and for being there with her mom all the time. even if it meant giving up a day's work just so she could be with her mom. i admire her mom because inspite of everything, she still managed to give everyone a smile upto her death.

and you bet, i will be there on november 9. to be merry and happy and to be able to enjoy life to the fullest. just what tita pinky did til the very last.

2005-10-12T21:56:00.000+08:00

If I was to give u my heart I would need yours in its place.

---> the greatest pickup line i've ever heard. shet! love it!

sad meadows...

2005-10-01T21:55:00.000+08:00

"Why play nice when being a little wicked is so much fun? "

- that's what my horoscope reads today . and i agree! i have been extra nice to a lot of people lately (though ate thess would think this is highly contradicting). i have set aside my feelings for other people's happiness. but i am not complaining. since i can't be someone i want to be, i might as well be something to someone. its better that being a nobody to that someone. labo ba?

its kinda weird. having thought for a long time that there really is something going on but really, there isn't. everything was just on my mind, in my imagination, in my dreams. in my phone, in my emails, in that empty smint container. i really really thought that he was falling for me. but no. i am just a preliminary exam, that test before the finals. a crash-test dummy.

when he falls and nobody catches him, i am that soft cushion that he will be landing on. i am that girl who will show up in his doorstep and get him drunk after a major heartbreak. yes, i am all that and nothing more.

isang malupet na panakip butas. pampakilig kapag walang iba.

so the question is,

"Why play nice when being a little wicked is so much fun? "

i can actually do something about this recent predicament but i grew tired of it already. i grew tired of fighting for something that only i know and care about. its two months short lang and i'll be thinking of this problem for a year now. yes, but after all that happened, i can't blame him for coming to me. i am such an approachable person kasi. lol. but seriously, he wanted to be friends, i agreed and now i am being treated as a friend. and how could i complain? i usually say, "Don't settle!". but for this, i am eating my own words and i am settling for being a friend.

and you know what, its hurts. in my mind, it hurts so much. but in my heart, i feel nothing. it seems i grew numb of the pain. the blow that it got from all those rollercoaster of emotions that i felt made it so numb, my heart can't even process the hurt that i should be feeling now.

but still, i am grateful for the numbness. it makes being a friend, a whole lot easier.

2005-09-22T19:30:00.000+08:00

my sister is soo hooked up with these korean movies and i couldn't blame her. i've seen some really good, tragic yet funny korean movies. i wish filipinos could make such movies, hindi na lang yung laging happy ending. pwde naman yung sad minsan. it makes the story sometimes more convincing and realistic. yesterday she insisted that i watch this "daddy long legs" korean film and its not bad actually. next to windstruck and my sassy girl, its my third most fave korean film (not that i've watched a lot but i did have my fair share of those films). anyway, its got a certain twist into it. the story goes like this:

there's this girl who's got a ten-year crush on this guy and she's been following him around since high school to college (yep, she worked hard to get into the same college with him) and even when he was working, she also managed to get into the same company where he works. anyway, that girl got sick. she has this disease wherein she loses her memory. it didn't say in the movie what disease though but i assume its something like alzheimer's. so the girl wrote herself an email to be delivered to herself in a year to remind her of the guy that she is so in love with, just in case she loses her memory of him. then the girl went on a "sick leave" because of her disease.

here comes the twist. the main character, Young-mi, just got accepted as a headwriter where the girl and the guy in the story works. as one of the company's privileges, Young-mi was allowed to stay in the girl's place because she's somewhere getting cured.

Oh btw, Young-mi is the one with Daddy Long Legs (it is a book that tells the story of a young orphan girl, Jerusha Abbott, who is unexpectedly sent to college by an unknown benefactor who is a trustee of the orphanage where she grew up).

Young-mi receives the emails that the girl sent to herself. She meets this guy at the "morgue" (thats the terms they used for library) and falls in love with him, all the while intrigue with the girl's story. guess what? the guy she fell in love with is the same guy the girl has a ten-year crush on!

here's the other twist. she assumed that the company's director is her daddy long legs and when she confronted him with it, she was shocked with the awful truth. the truth is that: the email sender was not a girl but in fact a GUY and guess who that guy was??? well, i'm not telling. hehehehe..

oh, guys, you better watch this film! its so creatively written! and soo tragic! shocks. if this happens to me, i'm gonna go crazy, i swear!

***************************************************

in one of the scenes in the movie, when young-mi and the morgue guy were sitting on a hill, watching the night sky, he told her the story about stars.

"before, there were no stars at all. and then, the people learned to love. each time they do, their love was sent to the sky to become a star. that's why there are so many stars in the sky. because there is so much love in the world that we just don't know of."

and then a falling star appears in the sky...

*******************************************************

i've heard this somewhere, i just dont know where. but it said that, LOVE and COUGH are the same- you can't hide it. i guess that holds true. you can't hide either talaga. but you can pretend...?? hehehe

anik...anik...

2005-09-13T01:51:00.000+08:00

i have been super busy. been through a lot of changes lately...

first and quite a bit depressing talaga, the retrenchment in our company finally hit our department and it cost us around 6 people in all, including mah ate patty. i'm so sad coz my blogger guru won't be at the promo room na.... waaaahhhhh

****************************************

Work’s hell, as always. I haven’t even told people that we got a new alaga from siyete. Siya na yun, if ya know. I also went to Laguna for my alagas’ Hamon ng Nginiig. Shocks this is quite an experience! We went there in search of this haunted house. The challenge was to find the clues leading to that black paper that will tell you that you are now a member of the astig league of nginiig but you have to go through heaps of “spine-chilling” places to find the clue. Anyway, maoui, gabb and kuya roden were there. The taping rolled just before 1am last sept.16 and maoui was the first to go in- alone! Without a cameraman! She needs to hold the camera and take footages of herself while inside this creepy house. I’m not exaggerating here- the house is really creepy even on the outside. And its not just because its already 1am but because it really is. The story was that a little boy fell down the stairs in the house and he was in a coma after that incident. At that time, people didn’t really know daw what to do with someone in a coma so they buried the kid alive. Now the little boy haunts by the stairs of the house. Also the real owner of the house still haunts the place- ala bahay ni LOLO. Maoui didn’t finish the challenge but gabb and kuya roden did. Haaay, with all those stories plus it was raining heavily that night, sheesh! I went back to the van and slept… well, I tried to but hey, I was worried noh. We got back around 8 am the following day (it took us almost 2 hours at SLE because the rain caused flood in some areas and may ibang sasakyan na tumirik. Anyway, I went home and found out that there was no electricity in our area! And to top it off, there’s a wake just outside our apartment! That was very comforting. I just came from nginiig and umuwi ako sa walang kuryente at may lamay pa! crap.

Last Saturday, I had a terrible day during field work and it was total chaos. For me ha but you wouldn’t really know if you wouldn’t ask how I was. It was such a bad day- kulang sa tulog, lipat sa location, nag empty batt, di ko naitext ang boss ko coz wala ngang batt, dumating pa si lola kaya nagka-hassle sa pagsundo sa akin coz her flight was super delayed (from 8pm ETA naging 10:15pm! Duh!!) and when she got home, I was supposed to sleep but of course, I had to go down and see her first. Not that I’m complaining but its been a long day talaga.

Half of my Sunday was spent at Harrison plaza for asap mania. I had problems pa going there coz I didn’t know how to get there so I troubled people pa for directions. Btw, some people saw us on tv laughing, clapping or cheering for rico barrera (d first housemate to be eliminated from pinoy big brother) and I heard we really looked stupid, courtesy of my brother. Another long day of working and so when I finally got home, I took my much needed sleep and rest (but wasn’t able to eat even) and woke up 7am the following day na. ha! That’s how its done!

****************************************

I saw greg behrendt last week at oprah, talking about his book “HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU” and it re-awakened something that I should have long since instilled in me. Labo ba? Hehe. Basta yun. May naalala lang akong mga dapat kong ginagawa. sayang I wasn’t able to go to his book signing and stand up comedy sa greenbelt.. oh well. For the girls out there who don’t have this book yet—better get one. It’s a must-have! And guys, buy it for you girl friends. It would help if you read the book as well. You might learn a few things also. It is sooooo insightful and absolutely true! I agree with what the things that he said in the book. Basta go get a copy and see what I mean.

Breakable

2005-09-12T19:31:00.000+08:00

She cries.

And for that she considers herself breakable.
She cries and hides.
Crying is not tolerated,
One of the principles she so rightly stick to.
But when it hurts
And when her heart feels like bursting
And there' a lingering pain running up
To the edge of her fingertips,
She cries.
Silently at first.
And, this usually happens,
When crying takes the best of her
And she can no longer take it,
She cries and weeps like there is no tomorrow.
And still, no one hears her.
No one rushes to her side to comfort her
And soothe her pain.
No one holds her hand and
Tells her that everything's going to be alright,
Even if it seems unlikely.
No one is by her side.
She is alone.
Realizing this,
She then looks in the mirror
And resolutely fixes herself up.
Now, she is, yet again,
To the world,

Unbreakable.

moving on...

2005-08-31T08:14:00.000+08:00

finally.

i am able to wake up this morning without thinking of wanting to be with him.

yes, i am over him. at last.

send off party at OJs

2005-08-30T18:30:00.000+08:00

with Ms. Karen of Karanina who treated us to a very grand time at OJ's in Libis last August 19, 2005.

Ate Gidg's cheeks are super pink!! Humabol pa si Kuya Alan. =)

Xempre, pagdating, picture picture agad! That's me, ate grace, ate thess, ate patty and ate portia.

This is d bounce girl, Maoui. She arrived just before midnight.... Better late than sorry, right? I guess she enjoyed it naman. She even sang with the band and found some cuties to sing with her. Lol.

Ate Patty and I stayed pa until about 3am because I thought that Maoui would want us to but she enjoyed this company of her newly found "friends" so we decided to grab tea first before finally heading home.

Kelan kaya mauulit 'to? Sana buong office naman para masaya.. Sana, wish ko lang talaga, sa bday ni Echo ulit!!! Wish, wish, wish!!! Hehehe...

Unbreakable

2005-08-15T14:54:00.000+08:00

She listens for the sounds of the city
And peacefully sits back, knowing that tomorrow
Will just be another busy day.
She thrives in this; this is the blood
That gives her life.
Work.
That's what it was from then on.
Never underestimates and always on the lookout.
She keeps herself guarded from other people's feelings.
Once, she became too attached to people and
It broke her heart.
She was let down.
Again.
She vowed never to let her feelings show,
Never to show compassion.
In the following days and months, she learned,
Or rather, re-learned
How to numb herself from the environment
She's surrounding herself with.
She closed off from people, she retracted
From the very root of her recent dilemma.
She took her heart back from the
People she so freely gave it to.
What's the use of putting your feelings
On the line if people relentlessly step on it?
The walls are up.
Yet again.

assholes and dickheads

2005-08-11T02:13:00.000+08:00

i just had an interesting night out with a good friend from college. it was a spur-of-the-moment thing coz first of all, its been a long while since we last saw each other (aside from the times we saw each other in church) and second, my friend just had a really bad day. so after the service, we decided to meet up and grab a few drinks. there were supposed to be five of us but since it was a sudden thing, it ended up with just the two of us.

this is the story. and i really thought i had it that bad... well, i guess mine's worse but well, everyone's got their own opinion, so heck. anyway, my friend likes this guy whom my friend met at some office training. it was all cool at first, they were texting and all; they and some office people went out and stuff like that. basta, the bottom line is, everyone in their office knew that my friend like this guy. btw, the guy is from the same company but different branch. so then, some nights ago, my friend's officemate named dixie said that she and the guy are going out that night. okei, at this point, when my friend was telling me this, i was like, whoa?! they're going out and just the two of them?!? i know the officemates had the same reaction and if only i can raise one eyebrow, i would. and so dixie and the guy went to this place in mandaluyong (i'm not saying where, trying to keep in privy kuno) and guess what?!? something happened between the two of them! and i was like, whaddaf?!?!

so, being the good friend that i am, i helped my friend knock down a couple of beers to shake the feeling off but of course, and its like a big DUH?!, those wouldn't exactly wash away the hurt. so we analyzed the situation which was more complicated than i thought. that guy is suck a dick. and i am not sorry for the term this time. he is a major asshole. and dixie is such a... okei, i will not use an adjective for her coz she doesn't deserve any and no word in the english language would compensate for that hideous thing she did to my friend. she knew that my friend likes the guy! and still she went out with him alone, got drunk and actually had sex with the guy. sheesh, what a friend. and btw, she's got a husband and a 10 year-old kid waiting at home.

so for those pricks who just want to kick it with some girl, just holla coz i know someone who can get it with ya. crap.

-------------------------------------------------------------

i know another asshole na nagparamdam na naman sa akin kahapon. haaay naku. yun lang ang masasabi ko. pasensya na kung natatawag ko na siyang asshole ngayon. apparently, he is to me now.

i already have one asshole. i don't need another. kei?

p.s.
such strong words used here. oh well.

birthday ni ate ana

2005-08-08T17:41:00.000+08:00

<-----kahit ulan, susuungin makakain lang. hahaha. it was raining that night but heck, who cares?! group pic of those who made it to marikina, hehe. but where's the bday girl?? i think ate ana took this picture.

oh there's ate ana! with the white shirt, left side of the pic. the lechon was fab! love it! si kuya jerry nagkamay na pati si ate joy. ---->

after a few minutes, ate ana's alagas arrived and simula na ng inuman na parang sa amin lang ni ate patty umikot. hehe. but we didn't stay long coz everyone's got work the following day (and may baby pa si ate joy, hehe) so we went home early naman. i do hope ate ana enjoyed her bday though coz the night was so "revealing" especially for ate jing. teehee! cheers yo!

2005-08-05T17:48:00.000+08:00

oh my gosh, its been a long time since i last posted here. oh well, that goes to show that nothin's up with me, really. har. okei okei. so stuff did happen and well, i guess i'm back to tell ya all about it.

GUY # 1

WHY i even like this guy, i don't know. heck, i've known him since i was a baby, literally! we were nieghbors once and his mom and my mom are best friends. we even worked together before and i helped him get that job. and now, we both work at different tv networks but i still see him once in a while in church and sometimes at social gatherings. so why do i like him?! i don't know! really! he's cute! (though people say that's highly contestable); he's athletic (and again, people would roll their eyes if they hear me say that but he is!); he's smart (yes, not so smart but street smart, that he has) and he's charming. PERIOD WALANG KOKONTRA. again, the question, why do i like him? because his eyes smile when he smiles, pantay pantay yung ipin nya, marunong syang makisama, and basically, we grew up in the same "environment". i wouldn't elaborate on that. =)

THE CATCH: He still has issues over his ex- girlfriend who's getting married in two weeks. Bummer.

GUY #2

oKEi, now this guy... hmmm... i was sooo shocked when i saw him just last month. he changed! he's not the skinny, hollow-cheeked and blood shot eyed punk that he used to look like in high school. no, he changed. physically, he looks yummy! *cringes for the term used* to make the story short, i couldn't help but ogle at him when i saw him in church. man, he's reeking sex-appeal! (the terms ha, kadiri!) WAIT! i just wanna make it clear, he looks better than high school and when i say he's reeking of sex appeal, meaning that's because he didn't have any way back. haha, sama ko. ANYWAY, as my best friend told me, he did seem nice to look at but he still has this aura of stupidity. as in an airhead. well, i argued he doesn't seem like one because i checked out his friendster page and i marveled at how "intelligent" he sounded. (his grammar is correct, that's major pogi points.) but, being the best friend that florie is, she told me to forget about him and look the other coz he's not gonna pass my standards. then i said, diss the standards! that's when cza and the kampons came in...

THE CATCH: Papa siya ng bading! literally, this gay person buys him stuff like: cell phone, play station 2, trip to boracay and bangkok, fitness first membership, lacoste outfits, watches and get this, he bought him a car!!! and just recently, he had his birthday and the gay gave him tickets to singapore! man, how can i even compete with that?! and sooo, I bailed before my head aches. and can i say, eeew?!

GUY #3

oKEI, people are gonna burn me for even posting about this guy. for the record, i really thought that i was over him. and maybe, somehow i am. BUT i saw him earlier today and my heart skipped a beat... yun na.

************************************************************

aside from those "thrilling" experiences, i have been busy making earrings again. and for those of you who would happen to pass by ROCKWELL TENT on August 27 & 28, please to swing by our booth (i still don't know the details yet, will post about it when its near na). We'll be selling clothes, shoes and accessories at very affordable prices. Its a VINTAGE CLOTHES BAZAAR so if vintage appeals to ya, drop by ka naman jan.

************************************************************

Song of the moment:

SA KANIYA

originally sung by Ogie Alcasid, revived by Sharon Cuneta, Side A and recently M.Y.M.P.

Dahil wala akong makita lyrics, yun na yun...

the SEARCH is OVER

2005-07-20T21:55:00.000+08:00

i never really thought i would find it again. i've searched, high and low, and found none. with every search, i grew wary, thinking i would never experience it again. people have told me to go to one place and another, telling me i could find it there. but, again, it had eluded my grasps.

it reminded of sweet, innocent days. when you could laugh your heart out as if there is no tomorrow. when you could dance in the rain without people glowering at you. when you could belt out a song and still get a round of applause. it reminded me of days when you could just lull yourself to sleep.

and so my search had ended. i have found it again. and upon reaching it, i said to myself, i'm never gonna let it go. i will always return to this one place where i have foun it again.

yes, i've found it.

i've found birch tree, my favorite milk of all time. =P

sumthin, sumthin...

2005-07-19T15:46:00.000+08:00

Well, I believe I deserve to be congratulated coz today, I have been able to eat normally again. Thank God, really. A bit slower, but yeah, I’ve been able to eat rice and meat, the last time I did was last Saturday morning. Yebaah! The stitches on the right gum area still hurt though. Ouch!

Oh and one more thing, I’ve my Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince book already and I can’t put it down!!! Well, of course, at this moment, I did. But this is gonna be short coz I’m gonna go back to reading it. I can’t wait to finish it!

I don’t believe I’ve mentioned it before but I’m back making earrings and I’ve been getting a lot of orders. Geesh, I thought I was just gonna do this for some extra cash but it seems that it’s becoming more of a small business na. Hmmm, let’s see where this is headed. Heck, I’ve been selling in schools, in our office, at my aunt’s office, at the city hall, in a bazaar and my hands are a total wreck, callused to the Nth level! Oh well, no one’s gonna hold my hand anyway, so… Haha.

And one last thing, go get John Legend’s Get Lifted album. You won’t regret it. I love it!!! Reading Harry potter while John Legend's playing and some vanilla ice cream, heaven!

Have a nice day. I'm finally gonna go ukay ukay later, yahooo!!!

impaction part 2

2005-07-16T23:01:00.000+08:00

DISCLAIMER: The following post is a graphic and detailed account of the minor surgery i went through this afternoon. If you're too sensitive, in other words, too maarte, go away. Don't read anymore.

2 P.M.

I was late (as usual) for my dentist's appointment. My mom drove me there and decided to stay coz she wanted to have her pearls cleaned as well. ANyway, my dentist was late too. :-) As soon as he got there though, he called me in and started on my upper left ipacted tooth. He was telling me to relax coz this time, the upper teeth are easier to do than the lower teeth, which by the way, i had the lower right removed two or three months ago. He then proceed to injecting three, mind you, three anesthesia in my gums near the area of the buried tooth. Didn't feel much there but i felt my knees buckle though as i anticipate the needle. He asked his assistant for the panoramic x-ray of my teeth then went to his tray of gizmos and picked up this scissor-looking thing. I dunno what he did with it though coz the next thing he picked up was this pointed metal thing which he used to prod my tooth out. And boy, did he! Imagine something wedge into something really small and tight, that's what it looked like, i guess though i didnt see it. i swear, blood was everywhere! i heard my tooth crack and with one final pull, it gave away. When i saw my tooth, man, it was soo big and curved, i even wondered how it got there! haha. He cleaned up the left side of my mouth, had about 4 cotton balls absorb the blood before he injected again, three anesthesia, this time, in the gum area on the right impacted tooth. The steps were repeated but it took him longer this time coz the tooth was buried deep inside and its larger than the other one. His assistant even helped him hold my head steady coz every he pulls, my head moves with it. He told me to relax. Relax?! I can feel the tooth being pulled! i think the anesthesia wasn't enough. He pulls again, still the tooth wouldn't budge. He then held my tongue down, he was pressing too hard actually and tried to put more pressure on the tooth, all the while the assistant was holding my head. Another pull. I heard my tooth crack. Crap, lets get this over already. I was actually holding back tears coz it hurt! He touched a nerve which wasn't supposed to happen! He pulls again and again, my tooth cracked. Blood spatters on his shirt and into his hands when finally, with one more tug, the tooth broke loose! Success! He cleaned up the blood (which wa everywhere tlga, no exaggeration here) and then put about 4 cotton balls too to absorb the blood. Just when i thought it was over, i forgot that he had to sew pa. It went okay and quick, though i felt the thread sliding in and out of my gums. After sewing, the assistant came in and handed me a mirror. Crap, i looked like hell. It seemed like i drank blood coz my mouth had blood all over it. She cleaned it up and removed the cotton balls. I gargled and got up and walked like nothing happened.

3:28 P.M.

I walked into the receiving area of my dentist's clinic and Jenny Miller was on at ETK. JUst in time. My mom then went it for the cleaning. I can still taste blood in my mouth. Eeewww to the 10th level! And then my stomach grumbled. Great, i'm hungry. Just great, as if swallowing blood wasn't good enough.

4 P.M.

My mom and I were at Mercury drug buying medicines. I was starving! I bought canned soups, powdered soups, noodles, instant noodles... anything that's soft! I had to eat! Good thing kfc was just 3 cartwheels away, I asked my mom to buy me some mashed potatoes. Just when we were driving off, i realized there was no spoon for the mashed potatoes, shet! Starving na ko, ready to kill! We got home and I raided the utensil rack for a teaspoon ( i cant open my mouth for a tablespoon, it hurts) and had a teaspoonful of mashed potatoes. Another guess what?! I'm having trouble swallowing coz I still can't feel a thing coz of the anesthesia! Just great!!!

10:50 P.M.

Its been almost 7 hours and I'm still hungry. Ive had five teaspoons of mashed potatoes and 1 glass of water, 2 teaspoons of spaghetti and I'm still having trouble swallowing!!! Apparently, its not the anesthesia. And what's more, I'm still bleeding! I can still taste blood in my mouth!

haay, one more impacted tooth to go and i'm done.

TO DO LIST (or sumthin...)

2005-07-11T20:52:00.000+08:00

i've been meaning to write something interesting and deep in my blog but i'm at a loss for words...

i've been trying to sleep early every night but it seems that every time i lay down, my mind wanders somewhere which keeps me from getting much needed rest...

i've been wanting to run for about an hour or so but its either raining every morning or i'm too tired to get up...

i've been putting off cleaning up my office table but i've been loaded with too much work that i just kept putting it off...

i've been intending to go to ukay-ukay but something kept coming up...

i've also planned to go back to quiapo and shop for my "business" but i seem to have no one to go with me...

i've been planning so many things for others that i might just shelve the idea of doing something for myself.

BUT!

now that my boss is back, maybe, one way or another, i can finally do something about those stuff that i've been meaning to do.

maybe i will be able to write something profound in my next entry.

maybe i will be able to run after all. it hasn't rained in the morning for some time now.

maybe tomorrow i can get a head start by cleaning up some mess on my table.

maybe my ukay ukay fix will push through on friday.

maybe i can go to quiapo on saturday with cza or zen.

and maybe.

just maybe.

i can sleep soundly tonight...

changes

2005-07-07T20:41:00.000+08:00

im sick and working. pathetic talaga. still here at the office, taking a break from all that scheduling and contract signing ekek. my eyes are puffy already!

change is the only constant thing in this world.

that's what isabel put on her module regarding her philosophy in life. it wouldnt be the first time that i've encountered that philo. i believe thats true. nothing is constant but change. coz things change and so do people. i was watching oprah last night and she said something like she's the same person as she was before, she just had more stuff and awesome shoes. yeah, right. i know i'm not.

i've changed a lot. some think for the better, some think for the worse. but i've changed and i dont mind. i encourage change. i accept it. thats why if i see an old friend who used to be so prim and proper and now walks and talks like she's always gonna pick a fight with someone, heck, i would be taken aback but i wouldnt be surprised.

because to say that you haven't changed, would mean to me no growth at all. no growth as a person. of course, people change. we adjust to our surroundings, to our environment. that's what's unique about us humans. we are capable of adjusting and understanding and accepting change.

so next time you meet with an old friend who've changed drastically, cut them some slack, will ya? i'm sure she'll be thinking of you the same way so might as well give them the benefit of the doubt. coz sometimes, looks can be very deceiving.

*** okay, i may seem to be talking about nothing in particular here. but i know someone will react. that person may not post a comment or email me or text me, but that person will react somehow. someone is watching. Someone.

2005-07-01T22:46:00.000+08:00

it a friday night and i have two gimik options: tagaytay and pier one timog. hmmm. im not really up to it though. and pier one is sooo not a gimik place, duh. so i'm still here at the office, loading new songs to my ipod, catching up with friends, cleaning my inbox and updating my blog. while chatting with an old friend, he pointed this out to me:

"those who give reason to every little thing they know that which they deem to be inescapable and mere practice in futility are the people who lie to themselves all the time, people who, in their being afraid will build walls around themselves surrounding their emotions to a point where emotional stagnation runs deep, and everything will be reduced to escapism." - from Escape from Freedom by Erich Fromm

he thens prods his question about my "status", he repeats, "musta na buhay?".

so since its been a while since i last talked to him, i owe him a serious answer this time. i gave him four answers: my physical, mental,social, spiritual and emotional status. wait that's five, hehehe. anyway, he was satisfied with my answers so he then proceeds to his next question, "love life?".

DUH?!? why do people keep on asking me about this? and i'm sure a lot of people are asked of this question as well. i myself asked this question to a few friends but i never realized how irritating it could be once people kept on asking you that damned question.

newei, i'm getting used to that love life question so i gave my friend this answer:
"its non existent because i realized, if mag love life ako,i wouldnt be able to devote as much as time as i would want to kasi im always held up at work."

he then replied with that quote from Erich Fromm. (i'm feeling kinda redundant here, hehe). and i agreed with it and with him. and the conversation went something like:

friend: so, useless magkaroon ng lovelife dahil walang time, huh?

me: uh-huh.exactly.pero i wouldnt mind nmn tlga.i'd make time of course pero i love my job and especially pnk. if he demands, di ko mapagbibigyan kaya para iwas gulo, wag nlng.

which brought him to the his point: escaping. "escapism at its best", he said.

huwaaat???? is that what i'm doing??? i reasoned out, "its a good thing actually. it would be escapism if i'm already in the relationship and then trying to get out of it because of those reasons. but since i have none, it doesnt stand true."

no, i am not escaping. i would admit it if it were true but it weren't! i may have built walls but its only for protection, i am a highly emotional person though i try my very best not to show it. but i put down the walls once in a while to see whats behind the them. i keep a reality check so as not to stray down the dark emotional path i've led myself to a couple of years back. its but normal to put up walls, right? but to keep them up even when someone is reaching out, that's absurd. and i won't allow myself to do that again.

and yes, i am afraid. afraid for myself and what i could do to others. i know that we have to let ourselves go once in a while but be sure you'll be able to pull yourself back. with freedom comes a big responsibility. and just because i am taking utmost precaution with my emotions doesn't mean i don't let myself loose. i do. i'm just more aware of my actions now more than ever. and that's not escaping.

Infatuation or Love

2005-07-01T21:28:00.000+08:00

DISCLAIMER: A friend emailed this to me today. I enjoyed reading it and found myself nodding at every point it made. Oh well, read on and see what i mean.

ang pagibig at ang kahibangan
masarap talaga ang feeling ng IN LOVE...
lahat naman tayo naiinlove...
pero marami sa atin ang INFATUATED lang... both LOVE and INFATUATION are sure to live as up to cloud 9...

pero MAG-KA-I-BA sila...suriin mo ang nararamdaman mo...

ang INFATUATION ay matinding paghanga...
it is an instant desire...
matindi ang iyong pagnanais na makasama ang isang tao...

samantala, ang PAG-IBIG ay tila nag-aalab na pagkakaibigan...
ika nga, it takes root and grows one day at a time...
kusa itong sumisibol...
hindi ito padalos-dalos o pabigla-bigla...

kapag ikaw ay INFATUATED, may feeling ka of insecurity...
hindi ka mapalagay...
oo nga at excited ka ngunit hindi ka totoong masaya...
sometimes, you doubt him/her...
sometimes you always ask but seems to find no answer...
may mga bagay din tungkol sa kanya na gusto mong malaman...
at pag hindi mo ito magustuhan, like hindi mo pala gusto yung taste of clothes niya, you'd feel very disappointed...
it might shatter the image you've built about him/her...

LOVE, on the other hand, understands...
it knows that your loved one has imperfections...
ito ang totoong pag-ibig...
binibigyan ka nito ng kalakasan...
you even feel his/her presence kahit na malayo siya...
distance is not a hindrance for your love not to grow...
you're sure he/she is with you in spirit...
of course, you want him/her near... but near or far,
you know he/she loves you as much as you love him/her...
you can wait for him/her...no matter what...

when you're INFATUATED, you tend to say that you want to get married as
soon as time possible...
masasabi mo na," I can't afford to lose you!"....

samantala, when you're IN LOVE,
you don't rush into anything...
you're patient... you don't panic...
you plan your future carefully...

INFATUATION is smart with sexual excitement...
you want constant intimacy with him/her...

samantala, LOVE is a maturation of friendship...
it is always best to be friends first before becoming lovers...

pag INFATUATED ka, iniisip mo na baka nagiging unfaithful na siya sa'yo...

LOVE is trusting the other person...
you know you can trust him/her...
and by feeling this way,he/she even becomes more trustworthy...

dahil INFATUATED ka, maaari kang makagawa ng mga bagay
na maaari mong mapagsisisihan in the end...

but with LOVE, you are sure of your every move...
maginhawa ang iyong pakiramdam...
you function well...
nagiging mas mabuti kang tao pag alam mo na pag-ibig nga ang iyong nararamdaman... think about it...

think about the difference between LOVE and INFATUATION...

you know, GOD is NOT a killjoy in love affairs...

LOVE is HIS idea...

He wants you to enjoy the REAL THING!
but......you have to be WISE!
or else, you might MISS it out... worse, you'll just break hearts
or find yourself singing, "sinaktan mo ang puso ko..."
after all, you're not settling for second best, right?

Neglected

2005-06-24T20:26:00.000+08:00

how does it feel to be neglected? i know... i'm feeling it now. and i'm sure other people know how it feels like, too. i especially don't like this feeling because i believe that when one person neglects you, its because you are of no use / importance / purpose / value to that person anymore. i also believe that when one is neglected, one is unappreciated as well.

meaning, that person thinks there are other things / people / events more important than you.

meaning, there is something / someone else that's taking up their time and that time that they usually spend with you is now devoted to something / someone else.

meaning, that person grew tired of you.

meaning, that person doesn't care for you and about you anymore.

So why am i feeling neglected? Here's why..

FIRST NEGLECTION: no texts or calls. well, "G" would reply if i were to text first but unlike before, when "G" would call me or text out of nowhere. that's what i really really really miss. :c

SECOND NEGLECTION: "G" doesn't read my blog anymore. how did i know?! i just do.. "G" seldom visits anymore, though before "G" admitted that "G" always reads my web log.. :c

THIRD NEGLECTION: i asked a favor and came no reply. as in nothing, nada, zero, zilch...

am i overreacting here or am i really neglected? i don't really know. perhaps yes.. perhaps no. but what i do know is...

i miss "G"...

Find out more about neglection from another blogger

Raich .

what's keeping me busy..

2005-06-22T21:17:00.000+08:00

okei, so i've been reluctant to update my blog yet again. not because i dont want to but i dont have the time.

first, there's the nba finals, which san antonio spurs won at yesterday's game 4. whoopee!! one more game to win and champion na.. i still believe that tim duncan is a sellout.

then, there's this certain client of ours that still hasn't paid my artists' talent fees. and they are hiding from me! grrr, i'm gonna file for a breach of contract if they still havent paid by friday, i swear.

another is QPIDS, what else?! so tomorrow, the first pair will be eliminated. who this pair is, i still don't have any idea but i'm hoping not one of my alagas. so if you're reading this right now, your text vote would really help, as in. 3 text per sim per day lang ha.

for ISABEL BLAESI & FELIX ROCO, just type in QPIDS 1 NAME, ADDRESS and send to 2366.

for KAREL MARQUEZ AND GABB DRILON, just key in QPIDS 9 NAME, ADDRESS and send to 2366 also.

Deadline na tomorrow afternoon, 12 p.m. so please please please help them. they're really nice and sweet kids, you know.

aside from that, qpids is still a wreck so good luck to all of us road managers tomorrow. i'm sure we'll all be "aliping sagigilid" once again. lol. :)

and then! tomorrow night, my good friend cza will be having a fashion show at rockwell tent. i've blocked this off from my schedule months ago and i'm torn between qpids and her show. damn. but qpids, they said its a live elimination but guess what, its not! wahaha. but it will be taped as live so there. they "taping" will roll at 2pm. hope its starts on time so i can leave and arrive in rockwell just in time. btw, good luck cza! its time to rock the fashion industry!

oh and today is the bazaar at the world trade center where dimples and i put up a booth-she's selling necklaces and i'm selling earrings. i hope my things do well so i can have extra cha-ching!

and i still have to close another deal for my alaga, hopefully you'll see her endorsing something in the months to come. but as for now, i still have to arrange a meeting with my boss and the client.

lastly, i am sooo damn stressed with these taxes! and to think that my alagas are not that big yet. but BIR's been too stringent with the artists these oast few months so we gotta keep track of their finances. haaay

so there. aside from the fact that i don't have a social life, much less a lovelife, i'm pretty busy. which is actually a good thing coz if i have both, my work would be totally affected.

oo na, workaholic na kung workaholic. at least di alcoholic, di ba? wahahaha.

basketball grrrnessss

2005-06-17T12:19:00.000+08:00

I am sooo pissed right now! Hello??? Pistons won over Spurs (again!) 102-71!!! Hello?!?!? SO now they tie 2-2. I DON'T BELIEVE IN HOME COURST ADVANTAGE!!!!!! And what about that game 3 huh? Ginubili scored 7 damn points?!? Haaay, naiinis talaga ako!!!!!

life and love

2005-06-13T22:24:00.000+08:00

Love is like an open wound. When the wound is fresh, just like love, we feel it intensely. Everything that touches it, comes in contact with it or even just a puff of air, we feel the pain at the very core.

Much like love, early on, we feel it’s every movement, its changes, its progression or regression. We are too keen with everything it does, we become extremely careful not to wound it any further.

As time goes by and as the wound starts its healing process, we become less and less involved with it. We do not give it that much of attention anymore as the wound is not so delicate any longer. With love, we tend to take things for granted therefore, not giving it the same amount of interest we gave it before.

The blood coagulates and the wound closes, sealing it from any more pain inflicted from the outside. Unsuspectingly, love then disappears from a lover's heart.

And the intense, deep feeling rendered by the wound fades away. Replaced by feeling nothing at all..

Reminiscent of love.

**********************************************************************

How could she ask me that? What does she want, to understand why I was crying? Doesn't she realize I'm a perfectly normal person, with the same desires and fears as everyone else, and that a question like that, now that it's all too late, could throw me into panic?

As she was walking down the corridors, lit by the same faint light as in the ward, Veronika relized that it was too late. She could no longer control her fear.

I must get a grip on myself. I'm the kind of person who sticks to any decision she makes, who always sees things through.

Its true that in her life she had seend many things through to their ultimate consequences, but only unimportant things, like prolonging a quarrel that could easily have been resolved with an apology, or not phoning a man she was in love with simply because she thought the relationship would lead nowhere. She was intransigent about the easy things, as if trying to prove to herself how strong and indifferent she was, when in fact she was just a fragile woman who had never been an outstanding student, never excelled at school sports, and had never succeeded in keeping the peace at home.

She had overcome her minor defects only to be defeated by matters of fundamental importance. She had managed to appear utterly independent when she was, in fact, desperately in need of company. When she entered a room everyone would turn to look at her, but she almost always ended the night alone, in the convent, watching a TV that she hadn't even bothered to have properly tuned. She gave all her friends the impression that she was a woman to be envied, and she expended most of her energy in trying to behave in accordance with the image she had created of herself.

Because of that she had never had enough energy to be herself, a person who, like everyone else in the world, needed other people in order to be happy. But other people were so difficult. They reacted in unpredictable ways, they surrounded themselves with defensive wallks, they behaved just as she did, pretending they didn't care about anything. When someone more open to life appeared, they either rejected them outright or made them suffer, consigning them to being inferior, ingenous.

She might have impressed a lot of people with her strength and determination, but where had it left her? In the void. Utterly alone. In Villete. In the ateroom of death.

- from Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho

**************************************************************

When will you learn from you tears and suffering?
When will you see that destiny is in your hands?
- from When will you learn by Boy George

**************************************************************

There's gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me.
Cause the more that I'm tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more than wanting more
- from (There's Gotta Be) More to Life by Stacie Orrico

**************************************************************

I know you're the loneliest person I know
Just a blade in the grass that won't grow
Just a hand holding on to let go

Time is a train... Time is a train...
Leading you nowhere...
Leading you nowhere

Time is a train
I feel the same
Leading you nowhere
Leading you nowhere

A second page you reach a chapter
You're on the phone but no one's there
Another thing you can't keep after
Another time you're left alone

I know you're the loneliest person I know
Just a flag in the wind that won't blow
Just a tear rolling down the window
- from Loneliest Person I Know by The Splender

..crying..

2005-06-09T22:26:00.000+08:00

Crying. I hate crying. I was once advised against it. Crying is for the weak, cliche as it may sound. My parents reprove crying. One explanation is that when a person cries, it shows desperation. It shows hopelessness. I was warned to quit parading my emotions about certain conditions, especially if it were a negative emotion.

As a child, I learned to conceal my negative emotions from people. Hard as it may seem, I push back my tears to my ducts whenever I am on the verge of crying. And then, as I grew older, it became easier.

Just don't let me be alone in my room, that's where it all happens. Sometimes I wonder, if my room's walls could talk, it would talk for hours on end. Because, if you look inside my closet, hidden behind my hanged clothes, push them to one side and you'll see a scoreboard.

That's right. A scoreboard. To anyone, it wouldn't mean anything. But to me the scoreboard means a lot - the number of times I cried in that year. I keep track, what can I say. I keep track of the days and of how many times I cried in a single day. Every year, I count them. Big cries, little cries. Cries of a lonely girl. Cries of an aching girl. They were all tallied.

And until now, I keep track. But I stopped updating the scoreboard inside my closet. I keep them somewhere else now. Somewhere more private.

And yes, I still look and act cool, calm and collected but there would be and there are days when I am pushing back my tears again for reasons only I would know.

Crying is for the weak, cliche as it may sound. Maybe I am

my one last cry

2005-06-06T23:26:00.000+08:00

My shattered dreams and broken heart

Are mending on the shelf

I saw you holding hands,

Standing close to someone else

Now I sit all alone

Wishing all my feeling was gone

I gave my best to you,

Nothing for me to do

But have one last cry

One last cry,

before I leave it all behind

I’ve gotta put you outta my mind

For the very last time

Stop living a lie

I guess I’m down to my last cry

Cry......

I was here,

You were there

Guess we never could agree

While the sun shines on you

I need some love to rain on me

Still I sit all alone,

Wishing all my feeling was gone

Gotta get over you,

Nothing for me to do

But have one last cry

One last cry

Before I leave it all behind

I gotta put you out of my mind

For the very last time

Been living a lie

I guess I'm down,

I guess I'm down

I guess I'm down...

To my last cry...

** Who does not know this song, eh? I dunno if I'm just so struck by Maoui's rendition of the song but when she was singing it during Saturday's mall show at SM Davao, it hit me. I have to let go. And I need to..

FROM MEET JOE BLACK

While watching the fireworks during Hopkin's birthday...

Hopkins: Its so hard to let go, right?

Pitt: Yeah, I guess so.

Hopkins: Well, what can I tell you? That' s just me.

Both then turned around and walked up the stairs...

And so, I did and I had my ONE LAST CRY yesterday, Sunday, June 5, 2005...

-- empty --

2005-06-03T13:22:00.000+08:00

I felt empty.

Today.

That's how it was, that's how it felt.

Empty.

I was there but not really. I worked all day - started it as usual, went to work a little bit late but I was already taking and making calls while still at home. As soon as I stepped foot in the office, I was busy. Didn't even have time to eat a full meal but then again, I don't look like I need one. =) Had a few glitches here and there but I managed to pull through & sealed off some really good deals for my artists. I was busy. Period.

But still, I felt empty.

I dont' know how long this is going to last.. Heck, I don't know how I would last.

This empty feeling... Its getting to me.

And I don't like it. Not one bit.

** This entry has been sitting in my drafts folder for quite sometime now. And it still stands true.

BUSY

2005-05-26T17:06:00.000+08:00

MY SITE IS NOT FUNCTIONING,
AS WELL AS MY BRAIN.
BEEN SUPER BUSY FOR THE PAST THREE WEEKS,
I DON'T HAVE A BLOG-LIFE ANYMORE!!!
MUCH LESS A SOCIAL LIFE.
PLEASE BEAR WITH ME.

SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.

why do you still believe me?

2005-05-17T00:41:00.000+08:00

after the dance workshop, i was surprised to still see people here in the office (aside from kuya alan and ate lulu). btw, i just did sumthin stupid... na kay jenny kasi yung nina live cd ko so now i'm making a copy for myself coz i don't think i'll be able to retrieve it. kaso i think sira yung cd burner dito sa office kaya i think nasira ko din yung blank cd ko!!! waaaah!!! wala na ko nina live...boohooohooo...

ANYWAY, i was able to read my previous blogs- as in yung since january pa ha and i was surprised at how stupid i really sounded with my entries. i just kept talking about some certain guys and how i kept saying (or telling myself) that i'm over him or getting over him or simply "Tama na".. pero ANONG PETSA NA?!? Haaay, kung bibilangin ko kung ilang entry ko ang tungkol sa kaniya, aba, i might as well forget counting. it wouldn't make sense kasi almost, if not all ha, are of him.

so the question is, why do you still believe me? why do you think that i am trying to get over it? am i? do i want to? do i have to? (ano 'to, twenty questions?!?)

its been ages na talaga that i've vowed to myself.

malamig pa nun eh, december time... aba eh, summer na... patapos na nga eh. and i admit. yun lang, i admit to something... pero akin na lang yun kung ano man yun.

quite frankly, i am so tired na. my heart and mind are tired. pero heto ako.. doormat! hurrah! raise ur hand if u are one. uso ata 'to ngayon eh.

unpretty

2005-05-14T15:41:00.000+08:00

that sums it all up.. i'm feeling unpretty today. what with sleeping late and waking up early, who would've wanted to go to work on a saturday and at 7:30a.m.???? not me. but i had to since no one else will fill in on me. so here i am, just had a late lunch with jen and doing some paperwork. (on a saturday?!? take note. ON A SATURDAY!!!) i still have to go to studio 9 for the talent center anniversary mtv shoot then i can finally go home and get some quality shut-eye. i am soo damn tired already! i haven't had a day off for the past week and i still don't know when i can. and i will be boss-less for two months! not that i am complaining but i am just a little surprised at the amount of work that i have to do... pero sabi nga ni rico blanco, kaya ko 'to!

i'm having trouble breathing. maybe i should get some air...

p.s.
i love Hale! got their album and its sooo rockin my player right now! love it!

a child's innocence

2005-05-13T19:12:00.000+08:00

found this story in my email. Just wanna share why i love kids... This is one of the many reasons.

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.

The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

"Nothing, I just helped him cry."

moving on..

2005-05-12T23:58:00.000+08:00

akala ko natuto na ako. akala ko tapos na. natuldukan ko na ang lahat. that i can finally move on. buti na lang tama ang akala ko. mahal ko pa siya pero di ko na kaya. i guess its time to give up. wala na kong nakikitang dahilang kung bakit kelangan ko pang mag-stay sa isang relationship na purely one way!

okei, okei. this is the alcohol talking pero di ako sinungaling. i guess i am able to clear my thoughts this way. i had a long day at work (my boss in on maternity leave for two months, i think, so cut me some slack, okei?) and there are still some stuff troubling me.

so anyway. as i've told myself, doormats are for the feet, not for the heart. i hafta stop being one because di ko rin alam kung san ako pupulutin after once i decide to become one. or am i one already?

i guess so... pero i owe it to myself not to be one. so i am saying goodbye and moving on... sana kayanin ko 'to... i realized, its been a December-May love affair (one-sided na lng) and its about time to move on...

Shit.

Life's a rollercoaster.

And i'm on the front seat.

God help me.

p.s.
kelangan ko ba talagang makita pa yung mga babae nya???? this is bull...

kwentong barbero

2005-05-06T17:18:00.000+08:00

naranasan mo na ba yung napapatanga ka at biglang natatahimik? yung biglang napapaisip? matutulog ka na lang tapos biglang may mapapansin at bubuntong hininga na lang.

himungi ng kumot si leng*, isa lang kasi yung binigay sa kanila ng kapatid niya. nung kumatok ako ako sa kwarto nila, dala yung hinihingi niyang kumot, tulog na silang magkapatid. napatingin ako kay leng... di ko lubusang maisip na itong babaeng 'to -- madaming naiinis dito. mataray, masungit, hitad, prinsesa. yan si leng. pero kung nakita lang nila siya ng mga sandaling yun.. nakakulubot. pinagkakasya ang katawan sa maliit at manipis na kumot na nakabalot sa kanya. frail and fragile, ika nga. ang lakas pa ng aircon nila... kinumutan ko si leng, naalimpungatan siya, nag thank you at bumalik sa tulog.

so nagtatanong ka siguro.. bakit ko naikwento ito? may konek yan, wait lang.

habang tinitingnan ko si leng, napaisip ako... ano ba itsura ko pag tulog? hindi ako kagaya niya na nakakulubot, di ko kaya yun eh, maliban nlng kung sobrang liit ng higaan. naisip ko, siguro pag natutulog ako, parang di babae yung natutulog. walang ka-finesse finesse, sabi ng lola ko. nung tinitingnan ko si leng, kung lalake ako ha, parang gusto ko siyang alagaan at protektahan. parang gugustuhin mong lumaban para sa kaniya, literally at figuratively. ngayon, kung ang itsura ko pag tulog eh parang kahit sa panaginip eh may kaaway ako... meron kayang mapapaisip ng mga naiisip ko para kay leng? meron kayang mapapaisip na alagaan ako at protektahan ako at lumaban para sa akin?

hanggang sa nagsanga-sanga na yung naisip ko...

kung may mga babaeng katulad ni leng, aba. ang swerte pala niya. at kawawa ang mga babaeng katulad ko. biruin mo, wala ka pa ngang ginagawa, meron nang gustong mag alaga sa iyo! samantalang ako, lagi na lang iisa ang nagiging papel sa buhay.. ang mag alaga ng ibang tao na kahit isang paimbabaw na salamat eh wala kang marinig...

may nakapagsabi sa akin, makikita mo rin yang dreamboy mo.. hmmm.. siguro, di bale na lang. kaya nga dreamboy eh, hanggang panaginip lang. kasi sa panaginip, lahat ng gusto mong mangyari, pwede. posible. dreamboy mo nga pero di ka naman kayang ipagtanggol, di ka kayang alagaan. no thanks! dun na lang ako sa totoo.. minsan kasi, nakakapagod din mag-alaga ng iba. pwede bang ako naman?

*name was changed for privacy ekek.

bowling and anger management

2005-04-29T20:44:00.000+08:00

its been a year since i last played bowling and it was super fun! went bowling with my whole family last night, including my lola.. saya grabe! may chinese federation lang na may tournament dun pero kiber!!! i really insisted that we play bowling mainly because i was feeling kinda irky for some reason... okei, so the reason was that i was waiting for someone to react but i guess Newton's third law of motion doesn't really apply to him (for some, the law states that For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction.) until now, my question is left unanswered.. SO does that mean, i don't mean much to that certain person? Or should i just stop finding meaning into everything that this person does?

The song, guys! The song!!! Look down... Grrrness na 'to ha... Sala sa init, sala sa lamig. Tulak ng bibig, kabig ng dibdib. Asar.

The bowling help though. In fairness!

song of the season

2005-04-28T07:55:00.000+08:00

DON'T SAY YOU LOVE ME
The Corrs
Talk On Corners

I've seen this place a thousand times
I've felt this all before
And every time you call
I've waited there as though you might not call at all

I know this face I'm wearing now
I've seen this in my eyes
And though it feels so great, I'm still afraid
That you'll be leaving anytime

We've done this once and then you closed the door
Don't let me fall again for nothing more

Don't say you love me unless forever
Don't tell me you need me, if you're not gonna stay
Don't give me this feeling, I'll only believe it
Make it real or take it all away

I've caught myself smiling alone
Just thinking of your voice
And dreaming of your touch, is all too much
You know I don't have any choice

Don't say you love me unless forever
Don't tell me you need me, if you're not gonna stay
Don't give me this feeling, I'll only believe it
Make it real or take it all away
Yeah Yeah Yeah

We've done this once and then you closed the door
Don't let me fall again for nothing more

Don't say you love me unless forever
Don't tell me you need me, if you're not gonna stay
Don't give me this feeling, I'll only believe it
Make it real or take it all away

Say you love me
Don't tell me you need me, if you're not gonna stay
Don't give me this feeling, I'll only believe it
Make it real or take it all away
Take it all away, take it all away

girls and crying

2005-04-25T08:16:00.000+08:00

if a girl cries in front of you,
it means that she can't take it anymore.

If you take her hand,
she would stay with you for the rest of your life.

If you let her go, it wil be hard for her
to go back to being herself with you once again.

A girl wont cry easily,
except in front of the person whom she loves the most,
she becomes weak.

A girl wont cry easily,
only when she loves you the most,
she'll put down her ego.

Guys, if a girl cries because of you,
please hold her hands firmly,
Because she's the one who is willing
to stay with you for the rest of your life.

Guys, if a girl cries because of you,
please dont give her up,
maybe because of your decision,
you'll ruin her life.

When she cries right in front of you,
When she cries because of you,
Look into her eyes,
Can you see and feel the pain and hurt she's feeling?

Think.

Which other girl has cried with pure sincerity,
In front of you
And because of you?

She cries not because she is weak,
She cries not bcoz she wants sympathy or pity.

She cries because crying silently is no longer possible...
The pain, hurt and agony have become too big a burden to be kept inside.

Guys, think about it,
If a girl cries her heart out to you,
And all because of you,
Its time to look back on what you have done,
Only you will know the answer to it.

Do consider it,
Because one day,
It may be too late for regrets,
It may be too late to say "I'm sorry".

movie review

2005-04-23T21:37:00.000+08:00

midweek, i've watched three asian movies -- two were from korea and one was from china (i think)-- The Classic, Il Mare and Fly Me To Polaris.

Of the three, I liked Il Mare more. It was like living in the present but holding on to the past and then finally letting go of the past to keep the present and most especially, the future. Complicated ba? Basta its super ganda talaga.

"Look outside the window
If the branches swing gently in the wind
Then the one you love is loving you, too.

"Open your ears
If you hear your heartbeat
Then the one you love is loving you.

"Close your eyes
If there's a smile on your lips
Then the one you love is loving you, too."

-- The Classic

These were lines from the letters the guy in the movie sent to the girl. Why did I include it in this entry? On the contrary...

Because when I look outside my window, wala namang branches...

Because when I open my ears, I hear the sounds of the city, the noise, the commotion but not my heartbeat...

Because when I close my eyes, there's no smile on my lips... Only tears welling up inside.

..birthday stories..

2005-04-18T20:08:00.000+08:00

this entry will be about my birthday so if you're not interested, then don't read it. (taray!)

i feel like i celebrated my birthday for three days - april 15-17!! hehehe... ate joebel (nene to yay) and i decided INUMAN na 'to that's why we made it a DOUBLE CELEBRATION!!

APRIL 15
people from interactive and talent center came and it was a treat when zen sang with the acoustic band at MIP grill.. syempre, si birthday girl ate joebel sang also... Kaso 'kala nila mapapakanta nila ko... bwahahaha! no way! pang-videoke lang 'to noh.. bad trip lang for this evening was bienne. i dont wanna say why.. basta, he's an asshole. grrrrness! so anyway. before midnight, ate joebel and i went "somewhere" and did something to say goodbye to "stuff" and wished our "birthday wishes"... then we returned to d inuman... got super drunk (syempre) so i'd give a special shoutout to yay for getting me home alright.. hehe, thanks yay! got home around 5am

APRIL 16
eto yung totoo kong bday.. woke up around 9 or 10am kc ginigising na ko ng mga tao sa bahay.. i finally got my new phone! anyway, i invited friends from college, high school and elem--all in all around 20 people for a "maliit na salu-salo".. tapos... 9 lang yung dumating! bad trip diba?! kilala niyo kung cno kayong mga di dumating! isang malupit na HMMMPP!!!! sa inyong lahat! si flokee din di dumating...booo!!!

APRIL 17
dunno y feeling ko bday ko pa din 'tong araw na 'to...though i was at work, pero people were still greeting me kasi and we had an inuman again at cza's place. had a long day actually which started out wrong kasi that inquiry for M.R.S. came in super late last night and i closed d deal 6am na! tapos may isa pa jan na nagagalit kasi tinulugan ko daw siya..hmmp! pero sori ulit... =)hehe. peace!

went to church first thing in d morning,then went to perform for PNK (late ako sa panata so absent na ko...huhuhuhu..) then went to asap for can this be love promo ni gabb and tanya, dashed to metropolis alabang for the Qpids mallshow.. monster na ko pagdating sa alabang, sobrang ang gulo ng mga tao sa backstage, shunga-shunga pa yung mga staff ng show, haaay no further comments na nga lang. pero i think the artistas enjoyed it naman, nuknukan lang ng init sa mall na yun. finally got back to homebase around 8pm, starved and delirious sa mga nangyari. havent eaten a single meal that day... later, had a drinking session at cza's -- nakadalawang baso lang ako ng rhum cokes and i gave up na coz i was extremely tired and sleepy, finally slept aroung midnight...

so there...parang journal, noh? thanks for everyone who made my birthday super fun!

THANKS TO:

Zen, Jen, Ate Dan, Ate Nhila, Ate Karen, Yay, Julius, Oyo Boy, Kuya EJ, Jun, Dan, Kuya Chowking, Sonny, Kuya Jerry and Ate Jane

Pam, Ad, Aque, Xseth, Bonna Mae, Quiao, Mafia, Cza, Arlee, Domer, Bryan

Love you guys!!

And sa lahat ng bumati, if i didn't reply.. pasensya na po.. i've two reasons: 1) lasing lang; 2) i thanked you from afar.. hehehehe.

tick..tock..tick..tock..

2005-04-15T21:41:00.000+08:00

clock's ticking... in a couple of hours i'll be 22 na..haay, how time has flown. i can still remember my fab bday last year at mcdonald's. haha, everyone had a blast! you should try it- a children's party at 21! hahaha.. but this year.. hmmm, i'll just stay home and maybe shop for some shoes. lol. i shopped for clutch bags earlier today- grabe! i'm sooo happy with my purchases! teehee.. so while waiting for 12 midnight, i guess i better do some preparations. ate joebel and i are planning to do something once it hits 12 midnight... just a simple way of celebrating our birthdays...

tick... tock... tick... tock...

..dream without you..

2005-04-13T01:10:00.000+08:00

"I don't wanna dream if my dream is without you
I don't wanna sleep if my dream will only be blue
I don't wanna hear the words, I don't wanna feel your touch
All I know is that you hurt me so much.."

"Only in my dreams can I hold you, only there shall I call you mine. But when my dreams are finally over, reality accepts and proclaims that you are someone who could never be mine.."

"Last night I had a dream about you, but when I woke up, I was hugging my pillow. How I wish tonight I'd dream of my pillow and wake up hugging you.."

"People say that I should stop living in a dream world. They say that I would never get what I want. But when it comes to you, well... Dreams are the only things I can count on.."

who understands men?? not me!!

2005-04-09T22:39:00.000+08:00

1. The nice men are ugly.
2. The handsome men are not nice.
3. The handsome and nice men are gay.
4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
7. The handsome men without money are after our money.
8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.
9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.
10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE
THE FIRST MOVE!!!!
11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

NOW, WHO THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN?

"Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like
grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep
them in the dark until they mature into something
you'd like to have dinner with."

weddings, food poisoning, dreams (uh-gen)

2005-04-08T22:04:00.000+08:00

food poisoning.

had a really bad day at work tuesday morning. was throwing up so bad that my throat already hurt and i was puking every 5 minutes or so. grabe. d doctor at d clinic said it must've been sumthin i ate and i think it was.. o, ingat nlng kayo sa siomai ha. dnt wana say where i bought it, bsta yun na yun. but im stil under observation so i'm not allowed to drink which is a really bad thing coz my birthday's coming up...oh well...

weddings.

juleby's getting married tomorrow!!! layo nga lang coz it takes about an hour and a half to get there. but i'm excited for her. sobrang tagal na nila ng jowa nya noh and finally they're getting married. haaay, can't wait.

dreams.

just when i posted in my blog that my dreams of him stopped, i dreamt of him again last night!!! damn. and the dream was: he was on a date with some other girl !?! kakainis. good thing i don't know who the girl was. but as usual, i can't remember much of my dream so i'm good. hehehe...

happy weekend everyone!!!

and then it stopped...

2005-04-06T17:39:00.000+08:00

and then the dreams stopped... i wasn't stressed 'nough lately and i don't think i'm having big problems with anything or anyone for the matter... the dreams just stopped...

i dunno if i should be happy about it or what but i'm feeling kinda melancholy. its been 4 days since i last dreamt of him and i kinda miss my dreams of him. but i guess if dreams have somehow started, it should also somehow end. and i guess that's the end of it.. the end of him? maybe... bcoz i was kinda holding on to him in my dreams and now that it stopped, well, i guess its really time..

time to let go.. finally.

nuffin much

2005-04-03T23:24:00.000+08:00

i had my stitches removed! grabe i was so relieved! i thought it was gona hurt pero di nmn pla. walang anesthesia or nethin ha, pero i felt d thread pa din as it was bein removed.i'll be back again in two weeks for the right top wisdom tooth removed naman...haay wish me luck.

graduation na! grabe, dami nmin graduates ngyon..meron 1 knina, 2 tomorrow and 1 more on friday..haay! nkkamiss ang school days.

and speaking of which, met up with some good ol' friends last sat evening though mejo sad lng ung reason y we got together.. my best friend florie's friend was shot earlier last week in a bar brawl, he got 2 gunshot wounds in his head. daym. so we, florie and i and mafia, went to see him. it was really sad coz he just graduated last year and passed board exams and was an engineer na and finally got a great paying job when he passed away. he was just at the wrong place at the wrong time.. newei, mafia and i didnt stay inside coz we were just there for flo so wyl flo was doing her thang with her friends, mafia and i got to talkin. grabe, i learned a lot! sobra. like, the past week had been a learning experience. been reading this really good book:

he's just not that into you

and it's really helpful ha, i might say. gatungan pa ni mafia. the stuff he pointed out might have some adverse effects on my way of thinkin from now on. d notorious chinese mafia.. so what did i learn? GUYS DON'T MIND MESSING UP THE FRIENDSHIP.

unanswered messages.dreams.reality

2005-03-25T23:00:00.000+08:00

i guess so... because even if i send him a message everyday, i wouldn't get a reply. i guess the message was not received at all. OR he just don't want to reply. OR wala siyang pang-reply. WAHAHA! now i'm just trying to amuse myself here.

Sooo, i've been having vivid dreams of him. now, i know i said im over him but its not like i can control my dreams, u know. anyway, the dreams are different everytime. its been, what, two weeks already and heck, i'm still dreaming a different episode every night! what bothers me is that it is so real, it hurts to wake up and realize that it was only a ludicrous dream. maybe that's why, for the past two days, i've overslept and stretched myself to the limit, waking up an hour past lunchtime, hoping to somehow live in the dreams i'm having. i don't remember much of what i've dreamt but everytime i wake up, even now, i know it was something good and i wake up smiling everytime (until realization sets in that i was just dreaming).

i know a lot of people would probably smack me for saying this but somehow, i'm okei with that. that even for a while, i have him. even in my dreams, he was so real to me. and so i look forward to sleeping every single night. because in that place between peaceful slumber and dreaming, i am with him and he is with me. and i don't mind. at least, its true... even if its just in my dreams...

impaction! grrrness!!

2005-03-24T21:13:00.000+08:00

finally! i've had one of my four impacted teeth removed last saturday. took about an hour, grabe, laki ng ipin ko!! wahahaha! couldnt talk straight for a while pero after a few hours i was eating soup nmn na..yep, i've been on a soft diet since last sat! i've been craving for a quarter pounder since tuesday pa pero di ko naman makakain yun. asar. and then came sunday! i was swollen na since that day. talagang nag bulge yung right side ng mukha ko, para kong may kinakain na 3 candies! pero now, di na gano halata. konting bulge nlng. i can see the stitches na nga eh. hehe, kadiri na ba?

newei, di ako pinayagan mag pagudpud becoz of this so here i am, whiling away in front of d pc...

thought of the day:

What is the use of running if you're not on the right road?
- Anon

The thing is, how do people really know if they are on the right road or not? I mean, most of us are just running, not actually knowing where we're going... Even I.. I don't know where things would lead to.. I'm the que sera sera type. And that's what gets me into trouble most of the time. Anyway, its just a thought.

Good night y'all.. ^_^

what i really wana say is...

2005-03-19T12:10:00.000+08:00

~Little Harmless Secrets~
by LynnDakota

It's quiet at this hour,
black silence, empty noise
too late for time to be spent
moving moods into places of comfort.
too late to contemplate words
spoken, not said outloud.

Too late to understand the dance,
the pauses, no excuses,
the authority taken over being cornered.
After all, that was then....
this is now... right?
Questions were expected,
asked, dodged effectively.

Still the air hangs heavy with
so many mind games of "why"
so many chances to do the honesty thing,
I was blind-sided.
Step up to the plate...strip-it-out
be a man of your word.

Day in, day out cleaning dirty little details,
ten hours under the gun, listening
to the screams, the whines
trying to support an addiction
a need, bent on a dream
to spend money on happiness.

Foolish am I... it only hurts
when I breathe.... to get hit with
an accusation I didn't deserve.
Then the ice man blows away
the fire you'd lit in my heart.
Renders my compassion impotent,
frozen by a kiss of reality.~

And I still cannot help but love you.~

the week that was

2005-03-19T00:45:00.000+08:00

this has been one helluva week... let's start with:

Sunday
Got to abscbn around 9:30am to meet up with marc coz we're leaving for subic for the taping of a new show. arrived there around 11:45am (eh 2pm pa calltime nya-hehe,told him 1pm call nya kasi he has a tendency to be late) so we went around muna and grabbed sumthin to eat for lunch. taping rolled 9pm!!! we were way behind schedule as it was, but paw was soooo late!!! she arrived around 8:30pm-- all the sequences that they can shoot was shot already, sya nlng tlga antay! haaay,naku so bday nya kasi. care?! even the carebears dont care! come 12 mdnyt, the taping is still rolling...

Monday
The taping, which started 9pm Sunday, packed up at 7am Monday. ANd the calltime for Monday? 9:30am!!!! Had an hour's sleep then had to wake up the boys first kasi sila yung mauunang umalis. After a lot of cussing, we (zen and i) managed to get everyone ready by 10am... to cut the story short, the production team (maybe bcoz everyone lacked sleep so we're all kinda on each other's nerves na) yelled at us for the nth time, so immune na ko. dedma na sila sakin, even if they're yelling for petty reasons na lang. again, midnyt comes and we're still rolling...

Tuesday
Finally, the guys were released around 2am...Got home around 5am, packed my stuff and slept for an hour again, got up arnd 6:30am, took a bath and left for the airport arnd 7:30am... Found out that there's some really bad traffic, coz my cab fare got to Php150.00 and I'm at GMA-Edsa pa lang!!! Damn. Took the MRT instead with my luggage(which was heavy of course),got off at Taft Station and took a cab again now finally going to the airport with moving traffic naman. All the while, my grandma was with me ha. SO i finally got to the airport just in time for our 10:20am flight.Checked in the tickets around 9:30am and waited for jenny by the benches outside... All these trouble only to be offloaded from the plane because Jenny arrived 10:26am!!!! After a lot of pleading, we finally got on the next flight, which is 3:40pm. The show is at 6pm, the flight takes about an hour and a half...So from the airport, we rushed to the mall..Told Jen to get dressed already,had her hair and makeup done coz we're heading straight to the mall for the show. Its her fault anyway so she should make an effort at least to make it up to the clients. After three songs and a couple of minutes of autograph signing, which is around 8:30pm, we're finally done and headed back to the hotel, had dinner around 9:30pm and finally slept around 11. Anyway, we're in Davao pala. hehe =)

Wednesday
Got up around 7am,took a bath,had breakfast and headed back to the airport,this time to catch a flight goin to Cebu. We were on time this time but the plane isnt. So i guess patience is a virtue so we waited at the airport until we finally got on board arnd 11:10am and left around 11:20. Got to Cebu after 55 minutes and settled in the hotel after an hour. Went to the Cable convention around 3:30pm and was done after an hour and a half. the hi-light of the day was this--->> After the convention, Jen and I went out to shop for pasalubong around 6pm,took our time because our flight was at 9pm pa naman. Got back to the hotel around 7:30pm to get our stuff and head straight to the airport na sana but when we opened our hotel door, what i found totally drove me to the roof!! The door's latch was locked! It was blocking the door from totally opening!!! Called maintenance and after about 30 mins or so, they finally opened that damned door. We went in and took our bags with us and left for the airport agad. Got there around 8:30pm...Our flight was 9pm... Got back here in Manila around 10pm and so i got home around midnight.

Thursday
Got up around 5:30am and left for the airport again around 6:45am. Got at the Manila Domestic around an hour and as i move along the line of the people going in, i found out that the ticket doesnt have my name on it! I was supposed to erase it so i can change my name but i forgot.. So anyway, good thing ate Thess was there and she helped me look for a pencil with an eraser but i guess luck was against me this week so i had to wait for ate michelle and tin to arrive so i can change the name on that f*ckn ticket. Finally, after much early morning tension, we got on the plane and headed,yet again, to Cebu. Actually, compared to all the days prior to thursday, this is the most calm day i've had this week. I even went to church in Cebu (but didnt understand the sermon because everything was in Bisaya..teeheee!) Around 11pm and after a lot of persuading from tin's friend, Edward, we headed to Front row at gaisano country mall and had a couple of drinks. Went back to waterfront lahug around 1am..

Friday
And sooo, took the 9am flight and I'm sooooo happy to be back home. but i still worked the whole day (actually,when i got to the office around 12noon, i just slept until about 2pm..hehe) went to folk arts and phil star's office dahil rumaket ang mga alaga ko and i finally got home around 10pm!!!

ang masasabi ko lang, I AM HAPPY TO BE FINALLY SLEEPING AGAIN IN MY OWN BED!!! and so that's the week that was...

tomorrow, i'm finally getting rid of my impacted teeth which has been aching for 2 months now...haay, wish me luck! hope it wudnt hurt so much. anyway, i hear my bed calling my name so gotta scoot... mwah! gud nyty!!!

quote of the day!

2005-03-12T13:55:00.000+08:00

Most of the trouble in the world is caused by people wanting to be important.

-- T. S. Eliot

Just wana share this because i totally agree... Ain't it?

up, up and awake...!

2005-03-07T19:47:00.000+08:00

As the day ends and as I write these words-- words that convey how I feel-- I hope and wish to the stars and the skies above to heed my prayers.

I am in love.

Yes, i can say that now. I admit it. But somehow, I am ashamed. Not because of the feeling... Oh the feeling's great! My days are simply complete because of this magnificent, yet poignant, feeling. I am ashamed because I am in love with the wrong person. This certain someone doesn't deserve the feelings that I have for him. He doesn't deserve the concept of love, lest the word love at all.

This person is proud and selfish. He couldn't grasp the idea of gratitude, the idea of candor.. Heck! He couldn't even grasp the idea of promptness!

His whole face lights up when he smiles. When you look at him, you couldn't help but smile so yourself. But behind those smiles lie a different personality, another identity, intricately woven into this character of a man.

In my early posts, I mentioned that I don't love him nor hate him... Guess I have to take my own words back.

I do. God knows, I do.

I love him and...

I hate him.

I pray that God take these feelings away. He doesn't deserve it.

Nor I.

love without fear

2005-03-05T19:21:00.000+08:00

one of my friends' friend has this is her profile... i'm just not sure if she wrote this herself..but newei, i believe her. =)

read on!

Love me without fear
Trust me without questioning
Need me without demanding
Want me without restrictions
Accept me without change
Desire me without inhibitions
For a love so free....
Will never fly away.

Goal: Love without fear, love as you would be loved

I live in love
I fly with love
I love without fear
I speak my needs
I am worthy of love
Wherever I go, I am loved
There is purity in the quiet touch
Love is eternal and ever-lasting
Love flows into my life like a river
I am a magnet to loving relationships
I allow myself to receive love without guilt
My relationships make perfect sense to me
My partner is understanding and supportive
I accept others as they are, just as they accept me
The more I love, the more that love is returned to me

when a girl is...

2005-03-03T08:02:00.000+08:00

When a GIRL is quiet,
Millions of things are running in her mind.

When a GIRL is not arguing,
She is thinking deeply.

When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions,
She is wondering how long you will be around.

When a GIRL answers "i'm fine" after a few seconds,
She is not at all fine.

When a GIRL stares at you,
She is wondering why you are lying.

When a GIRL lays on your chest,
She is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a GIRL calls you everyday,
She is seeking for your attention.

When a GIRL wants to see you everyday,
She wants to be pampered.

When a GIRL sms's u everyday,
She wants you to reply at least once.

When a GIRL says I love you,
She means it.

When a GIRL says that she can't live without you,
She has made up her mind that you are her future.

When a GIRL says "i miss you",
No one in this world can miss you more than her...

word power

2005-03-02T20:45:00.000+08:00

i found this article in a magazine and learned some new and technical words. i find it rather astounding that these words exist.

* DIGITAL GLUTTONY

a more general term in a technical gadget, this is when a person craves for something more speedy, more capacity and has more technical features than the one he/she already has. when a person hungers for a more advanced (and usually more costly) device/gadget.

* TECHNOLUST

our dependency on technological devices/gadgets makes us lust or ogle over new stuff.

* SOFTWARE BLOAT

when a person acquires a bigger storing space, that person immediately tries to save everything that he/she can save onto it because he/she thinks that he/she can not actually use up all that space.

what does this make us? i mean, i work in an environment where we rely mostly on communication devices such as phones and celfones. requirements, call times, locations and other stuff are coordinated through calls and texts. if something goes wrong, we refer to our "sent items" to make sure that we did send out reminders to our artists. so we live in and by our celfones...hmmmn...

now, can you use these words in a sentence? 10 points for each sentence.

the exhilirating and laborious weekend!

2005-02-27T18:02:00.000+08:00

finally got to see constantine. it was superb! keanu's skin tone was a bit lacking in color though, but i guess that's how they wanted it to be. the story had a nice twist into it..bsta, watch nlng kayo. u wont regret it, promise!

haaay, after much planning (and to no avail, i believe..), our dako finally celebrated its 10th year anniversary! yippeee!!! the food was delish and i think the kids had a fab time with the games and stuff though some were a bit disappointed coz they didnt get to perform! heller! the kids thought that a VIDEOKE cd would actually play with any cd player?! but anyways, it was fun! kinda costly but fun pa din naman... a good massage would do the trick.. grabe, ten years na pla kme and to think i'm the president for 7 years straight! i practically grew up there! as most of my friends also!i guess we better pull the curtains down coz the show's about to end. some of them are leaving na and i'm feeling kinda sad. we've been doing this since we were kids and i'm sure we will miss them (though minsan sobrang pasaway talaga yung mga yun). and i wonder, what's life after PNK??? i never really thought what's gonna happen after eh... i always believe we'd stay in PNK forever... like its the most natural thing to do..but i guess some people need to grow and grow up and try new stuff and i'm not against that... its just that, it'll be different without them...

~ deadspot! ~

2005-02-26T01:51:00.000+08:00

This is what happens if you leave me in a location where there is no signal whatsoever! A deadspot! If you look around, 360 degrees, all you'll see are mountains! It would've been better if the mountains had greens but NO! Kalbo po ang mga bundok that's why it was sooo damn hot that particular Friday afternoon... After listening to the soundtrack of The Postman, this is what I came up with...

The trees swaying in the summer breeze
The water flowing through the clear river
The sun shining, up in the skies above,
Sitting alone in a field of flowers in bloom
I wallow in the heat of the earth,
Remembering every glance,
Every smile,
Every touch.
I write these words in hopes of letting you go
Though my heart says no.
What do I do?

The silence that surrounds me
Echoes your sweet, gentle voice;
The birds flying freely,
Sliding gracefully through the air;
Makes me wonder of the What if's and the Could-have-been's
Makes me think of the times we spent together.
What do I do?

The cool breeze over the mountains
Slowly creeping down toward open ground.
I look up and see a clear, blue sky.
Oh how I wish you're here with me!
Experiencing life the way we hoped we would.
Being one with nature and nature being with us.
You helped me realize of a totally different world apart from mine.
A world that makes you be who you want to be.
A world where miracles do happen.
What do I do?

What do I do
When that world fades away?
What do I do
When you're slipping away?
What do I do
When you no longer need me?
What do I do
When finally, I'm in love with you?

And what do I do
When you've found someone new?
Someone you'd share the world that once was mine;
Someone you thought that's oh, so divine!
What do I do
When I sit here alone
In a field where flowers are in bloom
And yet, my heart is in gloom?

~ a prayer ~

2005-02-24T08:09:00.000+08:00

Inner Strength
by Keisha Morrison

Striving onwards, up we go
Searching for the spirits.
That roams our soul.

Reflecting upon each day that's cast,
Patronizing our thoughts
And letting go of the past.

Spirits wonder, spirits free
Sanctify my dignity
And let my life be.

Crucial is our life, every moment we owe.
A whisper of thanksgiving
For what God has bestowed.

..sentiments..

2005-02-22T00:47:00.000+08:00

Don't let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well.

There comes a time in our lives when we would fall for someone who wouldn't be as interested as we are because his attention is focused on someone else. There are many times when we love but dont get loved in return.

You don't have to forget someone you love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself. You would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving.

IF YOU LOSE LOVE, THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU HAVE FAILED IN LOVE. CRY IF YOU HAVE TO, BUT MAKE SURE THAT THE TEARS WASH AWAY THE HURT AND THE BITTERNESS THAT THE PAST HAS LEFT YOU WITH.

We would say our love is unconditional. But if it really is, then we should never feel bad. But why do we get frustrated when love turns sour? Why???? Because we still subconsciously seek acceptance and assurance from the people we care about.

Losing someone we love may not be a loss at all but a blessing because someone even more deserving is yet to come.

GOD WAKES US UP IN THE MIDST OF A STORM TO TEACH US A LESSON. HE TAKES AWAY PEOPLE WE LOVE, SO WE CAN LEARN TO VALUE LOVE ITSELF. HE MAKES US CRY SO HARD SO WE CAN SEE CLEARLY WHEN WE OPEN OUR EYES. HE MAKES US BITTER SO WE CAN REALIZE THAT THERE IS NO GENUINE HAPPINESS IF WE THINK ONLY OF OUR NEEDS AND NOT OF OTHERS.

** actually, advice ko 'to sa sarili ko, just sharing my thoughts...publicly!!! wahahaha...kelangan ko ng outlet, bkt ba?

..crossroads..

2005-02-20T23:18:00.000+08:00

Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, and faith looks up.

Its been one helluva rollercoaster ride. You knew that the ride was going to be scary and still, you still chose to hop on. When you finally got into that big loop, you realize, you forgot to use your seatbelt!! Now, you're falling... Plummeting down into the filthy grime beneath you. You landed with a great thud -- your head is bleeding, every muscle in your body is throbbing with pain. You look up and saw the height that you just plunge yourself into... Man, that was high. Luckily, your still alive. Though limping and sore, you can still actually walk. You look around, searching for something. Something's missing. You walk around for a while, knowing you'd recognize it once you've seen it. Alas! There it is. With one final surge of energy, commanding your whole body to take one step at a time, you will yourself to bend and pick up something. Finally, you found your heart. Bruised and badly crushed, you smile. It is still beating...

Hopeless romantics are only hopeless in the eyes of those who don't believe in romance.

what guys need to know about girls

2005-02-18T23:27:00.000+08:00

GIRLS 101

1. When a girl says she's sad, but she isn't crying, it means she's crying in her heart.

2. When she ignores you after you've done something wrong, it's best to give her some time to cool down before touching her heart with an apology.

3. A girl can't find anything to hate about the guy she loves (which is why it is so hard for her to 'get over him' after the relationship's over.)

4. If a girl loves a guy, he will always be on her mind every minute of the day, even though she flirts with other guys.

5. When the guy she likes smiles and stares deep into her eyes, she will melt.

6. A girl likes to hear compliments, but usually is not sure how to react to them.

7. When a particular guy flirts with a girl very often, a girl would start thinking the guy likes her. So if you treat a girl just as a friend, go easy on the smiles and stare ok?

8. If you don't like a girl who likes you, break it to her gently.

9. If a girl starts avoiding you after you reject her, leave her alone for a while. If you still treat her as a friend, talk to her.

10. Girls enjoy talking about what they feel. Music, poetry, drawings and writing are ways of expressing themselves (which explains why most girls like writing journals).

11. Never tell a girl that she is useless in anyway.

12. Being too serious can turn a girl off.

13. When the guy she likes calls her for the first time, the girl may act uninterested during the call. But as soon as the phone is back on the hook, she will whoop with joy and immediately start telephoning her friends to spread the news.

14. A smile means a lot to a girl.

15. If you like a girl, try making friends with her first. Let her get to know you.

16. If a girl says she can't go out with you because she has to study, leave.

17. But if she still calls you or expect a call from you, stay.

18. Don't try to guess a girl's feelings. Ask her.

19. Hearing the words "I love you" is a great reassurance to a girl that she is beautiful.

20. After a girl falls in love with a guy, she'll wonder why she never noticed him before.

21. If you need tips on how to flirt with a girl, read romance stories.

22. When class pictures come out, a girl would first check who is standing next to her crush before actually looking at herself.

23. A girl's ex-crush will always be in her memory, but the guy she loves now stays in her heart.

24. Girls love having fun!

25. A simple 'Hi' can brighten a girl's day.

26. A girl's best friends usually know best what she is feeling and going through.

27. Girls hate it when a guy pays attention to them just to get close to their 'prettier' friend.

28. Love means devotion, caring and happiness to a girl, in that order.

29. Some girls care about looks, some care about brains, but ALL girls want a guy who will love and care for them.

30. A girl wants nothing more than to feel loved.

*** i've highlighted those that i strongly and totally agree with! hehehehe... true nmn,dba girls?

..songs..calls..smiles..

2005-02-17T09:35:00.000+08:00

what is it about songs?

i've been forever thinking about what my song is these past few weeks and i somehow can't think of any. sure there are a few lines in some songs i can relate to but not the entire song itself! i can relate to these songs:

Why - 98 degrees
A Little Bit - M.Y.M.P.
Crazy for You - Madonna
Foolish Heart - Nina version
Lost In You - Chris Cagle
Waiting In Vain - Bob Marley
Addicted - Enrique Iglesias
Stupid Girl - Garbage
Bathwater - No Doubt
War of Hearts and Minds - Bamboo

*************************************************

now, what is it about calls?

i dunno... can't seem to put my finger on it...

*************************************************

smiles... i love great smiles.. why do people smile? what's the effect of a smile on the person receiving it? dapat bang bigyan ng meaning ang mga ngiting ito? hmmm... one thing though, i love it. =)

thoughts. thoughts. thoughts.

2005-02-14T23:48:00.000+08:00

Clock is ticking...Just waiting for 2am to strike then i'm off to batangas...Thoughts. Thoughts. Thoughts. Here are a few:

Peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace.

Never let yesterday's disappointments overshadow tomorrow's dreams.

When you've been working too hard, give your batteries time to recharge. (love this one! lol!)

A.S.A.P. = As Soon As Possible
or
A.S.A.P. = Always Say A Prayer

Work like you don't need money, Love like you've never been hurt, And dance like no one's watching. Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

Life is a do-it-yourself project. Your life tomorrow will be the result of your attitudes and the choices you make today.

I miss you and not only you; I miss what I am when you are here.

Love is weakest when there's more doubt than trust, but love is strongest when we learn how to trust inspite the doubts.

It is true that life doesn't get easier with age. It only gets more challenging. Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love. Pursue your passions. Live your dreams. Don't lose faith in God. Don't grow old... Just grow up.

hayun lng po...gud night everyone! hope u had a happy heart's day!!!

2005-02-14T21:00:00.000+08:00

ate patty and ate nhila at ate ana and kuya eng's wedding (actually sa reception na pala 'to) ... naks! pretty girls!
TM

2005-02-14T01:11:00.000+08:00

with ate che and ate nhila...may isang girl dun sa left, sumisingit sa pic...sino kya yun??? mwahaha! c mhalen pla yun eh! naks! may cleavage!
TM

2005-02-14T01:09:00.000+08:00

aftr ate ana's wedding at racks...so ate nhils,wat can u say?pwde na ba ko mag apply sa i-post?graphic artist?lol!
TM

2005-02-14T01:06:00.000+08:00

bf ko pala..si papa seph..aalis nnmn c krung eh, ako muna sasalo...lol!
TM

letting go VS holding on

2005-02-13T23:20:00.000+08:00

sabi nila pag nagmahal daw ang isang tao:

"parang nakakapit sa patalim, nagdudugo na ang kamay mo, hindi ka pa rin bumibitaw..."

totoo nga naman diba? lalo na pag nagpapakamartyr ka... kahit gaano kahirap, kahit gaano kasakit, kapit ka lang ng mahigpit... palalim ng palalim ang sugat, pahigpit ng pahigpit ang hawak mo sa kutsilyo... sa isip mo kasi "mahal ko siya... kailangan maging malakas ako para sa kanya... ipaglalaban ko to..."

ang tanong diyan eh...

GUSTO BA NUNG TAONG YON NA IPAGLABAN MO?

GUSTO BA NUNG TAONG YON NA MAGING MALAKAS KA PARA SA KANYA?
higit sa lahat... ALAM BA NIYA?!!

yan ang hirap sa ganyan eh... kapag wala ka na ibang nakikita kundi yung taong yun, yung taong yun at yung nararamdaman mo para sa kanya... yun kasi ang bumubulag sayo eh... yung mentalidad na pag nakuha mo siya, makukumpleto ang buhay mo... pag minahal mo siya ng lubos, matututunan ka rin niyang mahalin... basta maiparamdam mo, may pagasa...

EH PANO NGA KUNG WALA?

pano nga kung hindi ka naman niya talaga kayang mahalin? pano kung niloloko mo lang pala ang sarili mo?

aba siyempre, hindi mo makikita yun... "mahal" mo eh... kaya kung ano lang ang gusto mo makita, yun lang...

kapag magkasama kayo at nakikita mo siyang ngumingiti at masaya, iniisip mo agad dahil magkasama kayo... yun pala within eye's view lang yung totoong gusto niya kaya ganun...

o kaya kapag nilalapitan ka niya para magtanong, tuwang tuwa ka kasi ikaw ang una niyang nilapitan... yun pala katabi mo lang yung gusto niya kaya sinasamantala niya yung pagkakataon...

kapag nagkasakit ka at tumawag siya o nagtext para mangamusta, halos gumaling ka na in a second sa sobrang tuwa... nagaalala lang pala siya kasi KAIBIGAN ka niya...

KAIBIGAN KA LANG NIYA...

haay...

ipaglaban mo p're, KUNG NARARAPAT... hindi naman masamang ipaglaban eh, kung mahal mo ba naman siya, at mahal ka rin niya eh di why not?

di sapat na MAHAL MO... sa ganyang pagkakataon, mas importanteng MAHAL KA RIN...

dahil kung hindi ka naman niya mahal, panu na yun? nagpipitik bulag ka na nga, magisa pa...

nagmukha ka lang tanga...

nga pala...about philo on love na yan

2005-02-10T12:27:00.000+08:00

newei, that entry about philo on love..yung nagsabi nung philo na yan (na itatago ko sa pangalang WILFRED) eh never pa dw nyang nasabi ang mga katagang "I LOVE YOU" sa kahit kaninong girl (romantically speaking ha)... may gf sya ngayon pero upto "I LIKE YOU" lang siya...weird noh? kasi according nga sa philo nya, d only time that he will say "I LOVE YOU" to a girl is if they will be getting married na. yung sure na sure na siya na yung girl lang na yun ang una't huli niyang pagsasabihan nun... weird and kinda sweet dn (contradicting ba?) pero it makes sense din nmn kahit papaano... sna lang ndi ako ini-istir nung mokong na yun at never pa tlga sya nag i love you, ever... so yun lang.. scroll down nlng to refresh ur memory nung philo on love na yan..

**** HAPPY BIRTHDAY KUYA JECO!!! **** (maisingit lang)

newei, i'm not myself lately... ***singit ko lng ulit, yung song ngyon na tumutugtog, may line na why are we still friends? every time i find someone that i like, we always end up just being friends ang kulit...inisin dw ba ang sarili..lol***

so balik sa pagsesenti... yun na yun. senti na ulit ako. daanin nlng sa kanta at whappak, tanghaling tapat. c",)

philo on love

2005-02-09T11:38:00.000+08:00

During senior college, I asked a long, lost friend of mine what his philosophy on love is. This is what he has to say:

The word love has been so abused by the world that its true meaning has been almost completely lost. One is so quick to use the word love that its depth is clouded by passion, infatuation and the like, thus, losing its true, deep meaning. LOVE nowadays has more of the connotation of lIKE as opposed to what it truly means, though love cannot be fully explained because it is different for everyone. I believe that love should only be used when one knows it is right and I further believe that it is right when and only when that person whom you tell "I love you" is the one whom your lovelife ends with. That is, I feel, the only time the word love should be used because truly that person is the one whom you love. I don’t believe that the relationships before your true love relationship are anything more than an abuse of love because it if were true love, the relationship would not have ended. So saying "I love you" failed to hold true to its meaning.

M.Y.M.P.

2005-02-05T23:30:00.000+08:00

i really love their album Soulful Acoustic...its a must-have sa mga may lovelife, kakatapos lng ng lovelife or sa mga pretending na may lovelife. Teeeheee! I love this song:

Every morning when the sun would shine on me
I’d flash a smile but deep inside
I feel so sad and lonely
I need you here and now

I miss you
It’s crazy to pretend that I don’t think of you
The more this feeling just seems to grow and grow

love this song tlga...

eto pa:

KUNG DI NGAYON KELAN PA?
bukas o makalawa?
baka pa makawala pa

naiparating mo na ba?
naipahayag mo na ba?
nakatapagtapat ka na ba?
ano na?

hindi nia malalaman
di mahuhulaan damdamin mo
kung di sasabihin
kailangan sabihin mo na

may patula-tula pa
di naman niya nabasa
baka pa matulala ka
pag may ibang pumorma
mauunahan ka pa
baka magmukha kang tanga, DB?

eto, last:

Last night, you said you love me
Last night, you said you needed me
When I woke up, I never saw your face
When I woke up, you never left a trace

yun lng po.. just wana share...go get their album! sobrang sulit!

-- shmily --

2005-02-04T17:40:00.000+08:00

My grandparents were married for over half a century and played their own special game from the time they had met each other.

The goal of their game was to write the word "shmily" in a surprise place for the other to find. They took turns leaving "shmily" around the house, and as soon as one of them discovered it, it was their turn to hide it once more.

They dragged "shmily" with their fingers through the sugar and flour containers to await whomever was preparing the next meal.

They smeared it in the dew on the windows overlooking the patio where my grandma always fed us warm, homemade pudding with blue food coloring.

"Shmily" was written in the steam left on the mirror after a hot shower, where it would reappear bath after bath.

At one point, my grandmother even unrolled an entire roll of toilet paper to leave "shmily" on the very last sheet.

There was no end to the places "shmily" would pop up.

Little notes with "shmily" scribbled hurriedly were found on dashboards and car seats, or taped to steering wheels.

The notes were stuffed inside shoes and left under pillows.

"Shmily" was written in the dust upon the mantel and traced in the ashes of the fireplace.

This mysterious word was as much a part of my grandparents' house as the furniture.

It took me a long time before I was able to fully appreciate my grandparents' game. Skepticism has kept me from believing in true love - one that is pure and enduring.

However, I never doubted my grandparents' relationship. They had love down pat.

It was more than their flirtatious little games; it was a way of life. Their relationship was based on a devotion and passionate affection which not everyone is lucky enough to experience.

Grandma and Grandpa held hands every chance they could. They stole kisses as they bumped into each other in their tiny kitchen. They finished each other's sentences and shared the daily crossword puzzle and word jumble. My grandma whispered to
me about how cute my grandpa was, how handsome and old he had grown to be.

She claimed that she really knew "how to pick 'em." Before every meal they bowed their heads and gave thanks, marveling at their blessings: a wonderful family, good
fortune, and each other.

But there was a dark cloud in my grandparents' lives: my grandmother had breast cancer. The disease had first appeared ten years earlier. As always, Grandpa was with her every step of the way.

He comforted her in their yellow room, painted that way so that she could always be surrounded by sunshine, even when she was too sick to go outside.

Now the cancer was again attacking her body. With the help of a cane and my grandfather's steady hand, they went to church every morning.

But my grandmother grew steadily weaker until, finally, she could not leave the house anymore. For a while, Grandpa would go to church alone, praying to God to watch over his wife.

Then one day, what we all dreaded finally happened. Grandma was gone.

"Shmily." It was scrawled in yellow on the pink ribbons of my Grandmother's funeral bouquet. As the crowd thinned and the last mourners turned to leave, my aunts, uncles, cousins and other family members came forward and gathered around Grandma one last time.

Grandpa stepped up to my Grandmother's casket, and taking a shaky breath, he began to sing to her.

Through his tears and grief, the song came, a deep and throaty lullaby. Shaking with my own sorrow, I will never forget that moment.

For I knew that although I couldn't begin to fathom the depth of their love, I had been privileged to witness its unmatched beauty.

S-h-m-i-l-y: See How Much I Love You.

~by Laura Jeanne Allen~

whatta week

2005-02-04T17:38:00.000+08:00

its been one busy week for me..that's why i had monday off! haha, i didn't think i'd survive but its friday and i'm hoping some people would make plans for tonight so we can go out and unwind!i think i deserve it, i've been a good girl this week. hahahaha. tuesday, i was with echo,doms and tin for talk n text and tuesday night, echo had a pictorial. had an early call with echo last wednesday for his new tvc...watch out for it! i'm sure astig yun pag lumabas! thursday, dumating na lola ko from vegas, had i2i pictorial with echo again and meeting nmn nung gabi. na-miss ko yung office ha! in fairness.. MIA dw ako sbi ni te patty..haha! newei, this is the effect of pepsi when you've had too much of it in a day!

Something to remember
The days we were together
We're we really?
Or was i just imagining?
Maybe i was
Maybe i was not.
But in my mind
I see your smile,
I hear your voice...
I imagine the smile in your voice.

That time when
Your smile was mine.
That time when
Everything was fine.

Then one day its gone.
In a blink of an eye
Eveything, every moment with you... faded.

Its seems that everything happened--
Everything was on my mind.

ten days to go, guys. quiao! ma-meet mo din kaya? o i-reset nlng natin until next year ulit? hahaha..lemme know, i'd be more than willing to...lol

Lessons from SHOES

2005-01-30T20:17:00.000+08:00

1. The overused shoes

When I went to Davao for Christmas vacation in 2001, I found what I think was the best shoes I've ever had. It was a blue and white slip-ons with a flower on its strap. Margay ang tatak niya. Ang tagal ko na naghanap ng blue na kikay slip-ons at doon ko lang sa Gaisano Davao nahanap iyun. And I bought the shoes for 500 lang! Feeling ko pa, suwerte ako dahil last pair na iyun. And it was my size!

Sobrang natuwa ako sa kikay kong sapatos. At napakalambot niya! I wore the shoes everyday because they would match anything... denim, slacks, capri pants, skirt, dress. Gamit ko siya in the office, at the mall, in church, even at the beach!

Dahil araw-araw ko siyang nagamit, at nasuot ko na siya sa kung saan, it was expected na wala pang isang taon ay sira na siya. Sabi ko, okay lang. May Margay naman sa Robinsons saka sa Landmark, siguro naman may ganoong style pa sila. Ngunit napuntahan ko na lahat ng display ng Margay pero wala akong nakitang katulad nang nabili ko sa Davao. Nakadalawang uwi na ako sa Davao at pumupunta ako sa Gaisano, umaasang may makikita akong ganoon klaseng sapatos. Hindi na nga ako naghahangad ng eksaktong ganoon eh. Kahit na kamukha lang o kasing-lambot lang, okay na. Kaso wala.

Iyong kikay blue Margay na slip-ons ko -- na malambot at may naka-angat na bulaklak sa strap, na bagay sa kahit anong damit ko -- ay sira na ngayon. Hindi lang siya sira, nangingitim na sa dumi, at hindi na kayang i-glue ang punit na talampakan. Pero hindi ko pa siya maitapon-tapon. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Alam ko hindi ko na siya maisusuot uli, pero may reminder naman ako na once upon a time, I had a perfect pair of shoes. Hindi ko nga lang inalagaan.

Lesson learned:

Kapag nahanap mo na ang bagay o tao na sa tingin mo ay perfect na para sa iyo, ingatan at alagaan mo. Huwag mong abusuhin. Kapag nawala sila, baka wala ka nang mahahanap na kapalit. At habambuhay mo na lang iisipin na "sana, inalaagaan ko siya."

2. The "maganda siya pero masakit" shoes

May fini-fit ako noon na sapatos sa Celine. Okay lang ang presyo. Maganda ang material. Kikay ang hitsura. At kapag suot ko, nakaka-sexy ng paa. May isang problema nga lang... masakit sa paa. Pero cutie kasi siya eh. Saka on sale. At sadyang matigas ang ulo ko. Kaya ayun, binili ko. Sa umpisa, okay lang naman. Keri ko. Saka masakit naman talaga sa paa ang bagong sapatos. Pero habang lumilipas ang oras, lalong sumasakit. Hindi siya meant sa pangmatagalang suot. Habang suot ko siya, parang gusto kong umiyak sa tuwing humahakbang ako. Pagdating ko ng bahay, puro sugat at galos ang paa ko. At ilang linggo din akong may peklat sa paa dahil sa pesteng sapatos na iyun.

Kapag sa umpisa pa lang, alam mo na masakit na sa paa at hindi mo puwedeng suotin ng matagalan, huwag mo nang bilhin. Bakit mo pa itutuloy kung alam mong masasaktan ka lamang kapag sinuot mo?

Parang pakikipag-relasyon din iyan eh. May mga lalake na good on paper, bagay sa iyo, tipo mo nga eh. Ang kaso, panandalian lang siya. "Boylet" lang kasi available siya. Bakit mo pa itutuloy kong alam mong eventually ay masasaktan ka lang? Sana, habang maaga pa, iwasan mo na.

Lesson learned:
Kung sa umpisa pa lang, alam mo na masasaktan ka lamang sa bandang huli, huwag mo nang ituloy. Baka mag-iwan pa iyan ng scar na hindi mo na maaaalis kailan man.

3. The shoes that got away

May nakita akong magandang sandals sa Landmark. Mura lang, less than 500 lang siguro. Kakaiba din siya kasi hindi siya iyong style na makikita mo sa babaeng katabi mo sa MRT. Black and white siya. Polka dots ang strap niya pero hindi cheap ang dating. Ang kikay nga eh. tapos, two inches iyong heels niya. Sinukat ko minsan, ang ganda sa paa!

Kaya lang, hindi ko siya binili. Kasi, kakaiba siya eh. Mahirap hanapan ng ka-match na damit at bag. Saka kakabili ko lang kasi ng isang sandals kaya sabi ko, next pay day ko na lang bibilhin ang polka dots na sapatos na yun.

Madalas akong dumaan sa Landmark at nakikita ko ang sapatos na gusto ko bilhin pero hindi ko mabili-bili. Ilang pay day na ang dumaan pero hindi ko pa rin siya kinukuha para iuwi. Hanggang sa dumating ang oras na kailangan ko ng isang kikay na sandals na may print. Naisip ko agad ang polka-dots na matagal ko na gusto bilihin. Pero pag-punta ko sa Landmark, wala na siya doon. Naubos na. Ang ending, napabili ako ng ibang printed na sapatos na hindi ko naman talaga gusto pero wala akong choice kasi kailangan ko na nga.

Lesson learned:
Kung magpapaligaya sa atin ang isang bagay, seize the day! Sa kaka-delay, baka mawala lang sa atin ito at mauuwi tayong nagse-settle sa hindi naman talaga natin gusto. Mas mahirap pagsisihan ang mga bagay na hindi mo ginawa. Wala na yatang mas masakit pa sa thought na abot-kamay mo na lang, pero pinalampas mo pa.

Sino ba naman mag-aakalang may mapupulot pala akong leksyon sa mga sapatos? Kaya nga panay bili ko eh, para mas marami pa akong matutunan. Sa susunod, I will find lessons from bags naman para ma-justify din kung bakit sandamakmak ang bags ko.

love's eyes

2005-01-26T10:01:00.000+08:00

When first I looked into your eyes each breath
became a thousand sighs. My heart drummed out
a thunder beat; I glowed with joy from head to feet.
The hand of heaven touched my soul, as the bell of
destiny began to toll. The tide of love began to rise,
when first I looked into your eyes. When first I
looked into your eyes the world was filled with
summer skies. My sodden clouds of cold and grey
glowed with gold, then wisped away. A brilliant
rainbow arched across, as waves of love began to
toss. The air was filled with lovebird cries, when
first I looked into your eyes. When first I looked
into your eyes all time and space were paralysed.
Each second became eternity; between us lay
infinity. And in that instant, I was shown a universe
I had never known. I dwell there still, in Paradise,
when e're I look into your eyes.

picture, picture..

2005-01-25T14:39:00.000+08:00

what is it with pictures? the act of taking a picture and the photo itself...why are we so fascinated by it? hey, i'm feeling a bit melancholy here so bear with me. nakaka-miss din pala noh. especially if you have a picture that will always remind you of a certain someone. not because of anything else, but solely because you miss that person. the chitchat, the "Hi's" and "Hello's", the smile, the company. honestly, i feel like someone died. parang di kumpleto kasi parang may nawala. eh the hell with me kung magdemand ka dba, sino ka ba? pwde ba yun? can you demand for time? for some good company? for a good conversation over white mocha frap? and why would you demand such things? but then again, why not?

hmmm, i could be blamed for all this. its all my fault. i created a wall and so the distance is created as well. haay naku, i'm back to being my old self again and i'm not sure if i like it.

so looking at the photo, how do i feel? miss ko siya... don't ask me why. i just do.

honestly speaking ha..