I am back?

I've just spent the last two days re-reading decades-old thoughts and feelings and boy, that was some journey. Never really expected to obsess that much about something or.. someone.

And almost two decades later, am I really going down this road again?

I have thoughts. And I plan to write them down.

Yes, I'm back.

It has been a freakin while!

Well, hmm let's see. It's been a while and a lot has happened.
A LOT.

More in the coming days.

For now, time to restructure all these mess.

Ciao!

gone!

this person has moved on! haha!

http://leahlao.blogspot.com/

this is where is am now. let's keep in touch.

the H questions

have you ever been stuck in a rut and wondered how you're going to get out of it?

have you ever felt so alone and helpless because you've finally realized you're fighting a losing battle?

have you ever felt like there's no one you can count on when you're in that rut?

have you lost hope and wished that not having a tomorrow is the only solution to everything?

has anyone ever betrayed you, that after fighting for that person, believing that no matter what, you and that person are one and speak the same truth and lie at the same time and face whatever obstacle that you may face together, you wake up one day with that person gone? That finally that person has given up on you?

has anyone ever picked someone else over you?

has anyone put you so low that you'd wish to crawl back to bed and stay there for the rest of your life?

have you regretted doing things that you have just done?

have you ever wished that banging your head against the wall would give you the chance to erase the regrettable things and to do it over again?

have you looked at yourself in the mirror and saw nothing?

konti na lang

Sarado na ang tindihan, on the dot, alas nueve impunto.

Pagkatapos makipag usap sa mga matataas na opisyal, pagkatapos magkaliwanagan sa ilang malalabong bagay, gumawa ng paalam, lumagda at nagligpit na ng mga kagamitan upang muling makapag bukas ng tindahan kinabukasan.

Ang hirap, konti na lang.. Makikita na lang akong biglang tumatakbo paroo't parito ng nakatalikod o di kaya'y inuuntog ang ulo sa pader, kumakain ng papel, nagsasalitang mag isa habang umaakyat ng 6th floor ala spiderman... Konti na lang at puputok na ang bulkan. Ang bulkang may ilang buwan ding nanatiling dormant.

Ang saya saya. Ang sakit sa ulo. Ang sakit sa mata-- tutukan sa computer. Ang sakit sa likod, yung aircon kasi nakatutok sa likod ko. Ang sakit sa lower back-- lagi naman eh.

Ni wala nang oras para kumain. Lahat ng food-- to go. Salamat sa Jollibee. Salamat sa kape. Salamat sa may ari at nagtayo ng Jollibee. Salamat sa naka imbento ng kape. Fabulous stuff.

Salamat sa Coldplay at Orange and Lemons. Salamat kay DJ Kimozave.

Salamat sa mga taong mahihirap kausap dahil mas naa-appreciate ko ang mga taong mababait, ang mga taong hindi nagtataas ng boses at hindi nagbabagsak ng telepono.

Salamat sa mga soap operas, sa mga music videos, sa mga damit, sa mga clinic dahil alam ko na kung pano sumakit ang ulo ko at kung hanggang saan ang kaya nito.

Salamat din sa mananayaw na hindi marunong tumanaw ng utang na loob, na naaalala ka lang pag may kailangan siya sa iyo at bigla kang nakakalimutan kapag kasama niya si darling. Sinungaling ka na nga, manggagamit ka pa. Ang lala mo p're! Give me five!

At dahil may buy 1 take 1 coffee coupon ako, dahil sarado na ang tindahan at ang dami kong nabenta, its time to celebrate! Yebah!

10 to 1

10 FIRSTS

first best friend: florie na tlga eh
first screen name: esprit310
first pet name: wala, never had one
first piercing: my ears when I was a baby
first crush: si nitoy
first school: new era college
first house location: sampaloc, manila
first kiss: si nitoy, nyahaha
first thing bought with your savings/allowance: BOP magazine
first perfume: i cant remember the scent, bsta victoria's secret yun eh

9 LASTS

last time you smoked: hmmm
last food you ate: la paz batchoy lucky instant mami
last car ride: taxi this morning to work
last phone call: ate cheryl, about an hour ago
last song you listened to: love this way - eden's crush
last words you said: aaah!! (is that even a word?)

8 HAVE-YOU-EVERS

dated a best friend: NO!
been arrested: nope
been on TV: yes, in my most ghastly moment
eaten sushi: nope!
cheated on your BF/GF: nope
been on a blind date: yup!
been in love: yup
cried in public: a couple of times

7 THINGS YOU ARE WEARING

1. wooden bangles
2. jeans
3. earrings i made on my own
4. nike baller id
5. shoes i bought in ukay
6. makeup
7. victorian-ish top

6 THINGS YOU HAVE DONE TODAY

1. went to church
2. went to work
3. did the paper work
4. attended the code of conduct meeting
5. watched full metal alchemist
6. did my makeup

5 FAVORITE THINGS

1. My cellphone
2. My iPod and my mp3 collection, my cds too
3. my makeup - hehe
4. my shoes!
5. books!

4 PEOPLE YOU TRUST THE MOST

1. my parents
2. florie
3. cza
4. pam

3 THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE
YOU DIE

1. dive the great barrier reef
2. bungee jump
3. find the love/s of my life

2 CHOICES

1. vanilla or chocolate: vanilla
2. hugs or kisses: both!

1 PERSON YOU WANT TO SEE RIGHT NOW?

1.) si uhhhmmmm.... hehehe

Tag! Your IT!

Quiao
Xseth
Teng
Thess
Nhila
Cheryl
Cza
Ina

faceless

Faceless. That's what he is.

I've lost him again. Once more, he eluded my grasps. Damn. I was so close. So close I can smell his perfume and the gel on his hair. So close our skin touch. And I tremble everytime that happens. I can hear him breathing. I can hear his heart beat. For me? Apparently not.

He's gone. The face of the man I have been searching for is gone. Evidently, he is not the face that should fit into the mold I've created for "the man of my dreams". Seemingly, he IS still a dream. Waiting to sweep me off my feet. Waiting to immortalize a fleet of my holed up emotions.

Yes, immortalize.

A faceless man to immortalize my emotions.

I think I'm going nuts.