unanswered messages.dreams.reality

i guess so... because even if i send him a message everyday, i wouldn't get a reply. i guess the message was not received at all. OR he just don't want to reply. OR wala siyang pang-reply. WAHAHA! now i'm just trying to amuse myself here.

Sooo, i've been having vivid dreams of him. now, i know i said im over him but its not like i can control my dreams, u know. anyway, the dreams are different everytime. its been, what, two weeks already and heck, i'm still dreaming a different episode every night! what bothers me is that it is so real, it hurts to wake up and realize that it was only a ludicrous dream. maybe that's why, for the past two days, i've overslept and stretched myself to the limit, waking up an hour past lunchtime, hoping to somehow live in the dreams i'm having. i don't remember much of what i've dreamt but everytime i wake up, even now, i know it was something good and i wake up smiling everytime (until realization sets in that i was just dreaming).

i know a lot of people would probably smack me for saying this but somehow, i'm okei with that. that even for a while, i have him. even in my dreams, he was so real to me. and so i look forward to sleeping every single night. because in that place between peaceful slumber and dreaming, i am with him and he is with me. and i don't mind. at least, its true... even if its just in my dreams...

impaction! grrrness!!

finally! i've had one of my four impacted teeth removed last saturday. took about an hour, grabe, laki ng ipin ko!! wahahaha! couldnt talk straight for a while pero after a few hours i was eating soup nmn na..yep, i've been on a soft diet since last sat! i've been craving for a quarter pounder since tuesday pa pero di ko naman makakain yun. asar. and then came sunday! i was swollen na since that day. talagang nag bulge yung right side ng mukha ko, para kong may kinakain na 3 candies! pero now, di na gano halata. konting bulge nlng. i can see the stitches na nga eh. hehe, kadiri na ba?

newei, di ako pinayagan mag pagudpud becoz of this so here i am, whiling away in front of d pc...

thought of the day:

What is the use of running if you're not on the right road?
- Anon

The thing is, how do people really know if they are on the right road or not? I mean, most of us are just running, not actually knowing where we're going... Even I.. I don't know where things would lead to.. I'm the que sera sera type. And that's what gets me into trouble most of the time. Anyway, its just a thought.

Good night y'all.. ^_^

what i really wana say is...

~Little Harmless Secrets~
by LynnDakota

It's quiet at this hour,
black silence, empty noise
too late for time to be spent
moving moods into places of comfort.
too late to contemplate words
spoken, not said outloud.

Too late to understand the dance,
the pauses, no excuses,
the authority taken over being cornered.
After all, that was then....
this is now... right?
Questions were expected,
asked, dodged effectively.

Still the air hangs heavy with
so many mind games of "why"
so many chances to do the honesty thing,
I was blind-sided.
Step up to the plate...strip-it-out
be a man of your word.

Day in, day out cleaning dirty little details,
ten hours under the gun, listening
to the screams, the whines
trying to support an addiction
a need, bent on a dream
to spend money on happiness.

Foolish am I... it only hurts
when I breathe.... to get hit with
an accusation I didn't deserve.
Then the ice man blows away
the fire you'd lit in my heart.
Renders my compassion impotent,
frozen by a kiss of reality.~

And I still cannot help but love you.~

the week that was

this has been one helluva week... let's start with:

Sunday
Got to abscbn around 9:30am to meet up with marc coz we're leaving for subic for the taping of a new show. arrived there around 11:45am (eh 2pm pa calltime nya-hehe,told him 1pm call nya kasi he has a tendency to be late) so we went around muna and grabbed sumthin to eat for lunch. taping rolled 9pm!!! we were way behind schedule as it was, but paw was soooo late!!! she arrived around 8:30pm-- all the sequences that they can shoot was shot already, sya nlng tlga antay! haaay,naku so bday nya kasi. care?! even the carebears dont care! come 12 mdnyt, the taping is still rolling...

Monday
The taping, which started 9pm Sunday, packed up at 7am Monday. ANd the calltime for Monday? 9:30am!!!! Had an hour's sleep then had to wake up the boys first kasi sila yung mauunang umalis. After a lot of cussing, we (zen and i) managed to get everyone ready by 10am... to cut the story short, the production team (maybe bcoz everyone lacked sleep so we're all kinda on each other's nerves na) yelled at us for the nth time, so immune na ko. dedma na sila sakin, even if they're yelling for petty reasons na lang. again, midnyt comes and we're still rolling...

Tuesday
Finally, the guys were released around 2am...Got home around 5am, packed my stuff and slept for an hour again, got up arnd 6:30am, took a bath and left for the airport arnd 7:30am... Found out that there's some really bad traffic, coz my cab fare got to Php150.00 and I'm at GMA-Edsa pa lang!!! Damn. Took the MRT instead with my luggage(which was heavy of course),got off at Taft Station and took a cab again now finally going to the airport with moving traffic naman. All the while, my grandma was with me ha. SO i finally got to the airport just in time for our 10:20am flight.Checked in the tickets around 9:30am and waited for jenny by the benches outside... All these trouble only to be offloaded from the plane because Jenny arrived 10:26am!!!! After a lot of pleading, we finally got on the next flight, which is 3:40pm. The show is at 6pm, the flight takes about an hour and a half...So from the airport, we rushed to the mall..Told Jen to get dressed already,had her hair and makeup done coz we're heading straight to the mall for the show. Its her fault anyway so she should make an effort at least to make it up to the clients. After three songs and a couple of minutes of autograph signing, which is around 8:30pm, we're finally done and headed back to the hotel, had dinner around 9:30pm and finally slept around 11. Anyway, we're in Davao pala. hehe =)

Wednesday
Got up around 7am,took a bath,had breakfast and headed back to the airport,this time to catch a flight goin to Cebu. We were on time this time but the plane isnt. So i guess patience is a virtue so we waited at the airport until we finally got on board arnd 11:10am and left around 11:20. Got to Cebu after 55 minutes and settled in the hotel after an hour. Went to the Cable convention around 3:30pm and was done after an hour and a half. the hi-light of the day was this--->> After the convention, Jen and I went out to shop for pasalubong around 6pm,took our time because our flight was at 9pm pa naman. Got back to the hotel around 7:30pm to get our stuff and head straight to the airport na sana but when we opened our hotel door, what i found totally drove me to the roof!! The door's latch was locked! It was blocking the door from totally opening!!! Called maintenance and after about 30 mins or so, they finally opened that damned door. We went in and took our bags with us and left for the airport agad. Got there around 8:30pm...Our flight was 9pm... Got back here in Manila around 10pm and so i got home around midnight.

Thursday
Got up around 5:30am and left for the airport again around 6:45am. Got at the Manila Domestic around an hour and as i move along the line of the people going in, i found out that the ticket doesnt have my name on it! I was supposed to erase it so i can change my name but i forgot.. So anyway, good thing ate Thess was there and she helped me look for a pencil with an eraser but i guess luck was against me this week so i had to wait for ate michelle and tin to arrive so i can change the name on that f*ckn ticket. Finally, after much early morning tension, we got on the plane and headed,yet again, to Cebu. Actually, compared to all the days prior to thursday, this is the most calm day i've had this week. I even went to church in Cebu (but didnt understand the sermon because everything was in Bisaya..teeheee!) Around 11pm and after a lot of persuading from tin's friend, Edward, we headed to Front row at gaisano country mall and had a couple of drinks. Went back to waterfront lahug around 1am..

Friday
And sooo, took the 9am flight and I'm sooooo happy to be back home. but i still worked the whole day (actually,when i got to the office around 12noon, i just slept until about 2pm..hehe) went to folk arts and phil star's office dahil rumaket ang mga alaga ko and i finally got home around 10pm!!!

ang masasabi ko lang, I AM HAPPY TO BE FINALLY SLEEPING AGAIN IN MY OWN BED!!! and so that's the week that was...

tomorrow, i'm finally getting rid of my impacted teeth which has been aching for 2 months now...haay, wish me luck! hope it wudnt hurt so much. anyway, i hear my bed calling my name so gotta scoot... mwah! gud nyty!!!

quote of the day!

Most of the trouble in the world is caused by people wanting to be important.

-- T. S. Eliot

Just wana share this because i totally agree... Ain't it?

up, up and awake...!

As the day ends and as I write these words-- words that convey how I feel-- I hope and wish to the stars and the skies above to heed my prayers.

I am in love.

Yes, i can say that now. I admit it. But somehow, I am ashamed. Not because of the feeling... Oh the feeling's great! My days are simply complete because of this magnificent, yet poignant, feeling. I am ashamed because I am in love with the wrong person. This certain someone doesn't deserve the feelings that I have for him. He doesn't deserve the concept of love, lest the word love at all.

This person is proud and selfish. He couldn't grasp the idea of gratitude, the idea of candor.. Heck! He couldn't even grasp the idea of promptness!

His whole face lights up when he smiles. When you look at him, you couldn't help but smile so yourself. But behind those smiles lie a different personality, another identity, intricately woven into this character of a man.

In my early posts, I mentioned that I don't love him nor hate him... Guess I have to take my own words back.

I do. God knows, I do.

I love him and...

I hate him.



I pray that God take these feelings away. He doesn't deserve it.



Nor I.

love without fear

one of my friends' friend has this is her profile... i'm just not sure if she wrote this herself..but newei, i believe her. =)

read on!


Love me without fear
Trust me without questioning
Need me without demanding
Want me without restrictions
Accept me without change
Desire me without inhibitions
For a love so free....
Will never fly away.

Goal: Love without fear, love as you would be loved

I live in love
I fly with love
I love without fear
I speak my needs
I am worthy of love
Wherever I go, I am loved
There is purity in the quiet touch
Love is eternal and ever-lasting
Love flows into my life like a river
I am a magnet to loving relationships
I allow myself to receive love without guilt
My relationships make perfect sense to me
My partner is understanding and supportive
I accept others as they are, just as they accept me
The more I love, the more that love is returned to me

when a girl is...

When a GIRL is quiet,
Millions of things are running in her mind.

When a GIRL is not arguing,
She is thinking deeply.

When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions,
She is wondering how long you will be around.

When a GIRL answers "i'm fine" after a few seconds,
She is not at all fine.

When a GIRL stares at you,
She is wondering why you are lying.

When a GIRL lays on your chest,
She is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a GIRL calls you everyday,
She is seeking for your attention.

When a GIRL wants to see you everyday,
She wants to be pampered.

When a GIRL sms's u everyday,
She wants you to reply at least once.

When a GIRL says I love you,
She means it.

When a GIRL says that she can't live without you,
She has made up her mind that you are her future.

When a GIRL says "i miss you",
No one in this world can miss you more than her...

word power

i found this article in a magazine and learned some new and technical words. i find it rather astounding that these words exist.


* DIGITAL GLUTTONY

a more general term in a technical gadget, this is when a person craves for something more speedy, more capacity and has more technical features than the one he/she already has. when a person hungers for a more advanced (and usually more costly) device/gadget.


* TECHNOLUST

our dependency on technological devices/gadgets makes us lust or ogle over new stuff.


* SOFTWARE BLOAT

when a person acquires a bigger storing space, that person immediately tries to save everything that he/she can save onto it because he/she thinks that he/she can not actually use up all that space.



what does this make us? i mean, i work in an environment where we rely mostly on communication devices such as phones and celfones. requirements, call times, locations and other stuff are coordinated through calls and texts. if something goes wrong, we refer to our "sent items" to make sure that we did send out reminders to our artists. so we live in and by our celfones...hmmmn...


now, can you use these words in a sentence? 10 points for each sentence.