BUSY

MY SITE IS NOT FUNCTIONING,

AS WELL AS MY BRAIN.

BEEN SUPER BUSY FOR THE PAST THREE WEEKS,

I DON'T HAVE A BLOG-LIFE ANYMORE!!!

MUCH LESS A SOCIAL LIFE.

PLEASE BEAR WITH ME.

SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.

why do you still believe me?

after the dance workshop, i was surprised to still see people here in the office (aside from kuya alan and ate lulu). btw, i just did sumthin stupid... na kay jenny kasi yung nina live cd ko so now i'm making a copy for myself coz i don't think i'll be able to retrieve it. kaso i think sira yung cd burner dito sa office kaya i think nasira ko din yung blank cd ko!!! waaaah!!! wala na ko nina live...boohooohooo...

ANYWAY, i was able to read my previous blogs- as in yung since january pa ha and i was surprised at how stupid i really sounded with my entries. i just kept talking about some certain guys and how i kept saying (or telling myself) that i'm over him or getting over him or simply "Tama na".. pero ANONG PETSA NA?!? Haaay, kung bibilangin ko kung ilang entry ko ang tungkol sa kaniya, aba, i might as well forget counting. it wouldn't make sense kasi almost, if not all ha, are of him.

so the question is, why do you still believe me? why do you think that i am trying to get over it? am i? do i want to? do i have to? (ano 'to, twenty questions?!?)

its been ages na talaga that i've vowed to myself.

malamig pa nun eh, december time... aba eh, summer na... patapos na nga eh. and i admit. yun lang, i admit to something... pero akin na lang yun kung ano man yun.

quite frankly, i am so tired na. my heart and mind are tired. pero heto ako.. doormat! hurrah! raise ur hand if u are one. uso ata 'to ngayon eh.

unpretty

that sums it all up.. i'm feeling unpretty today. what with sleeping late and waking up early, who would've wanted to go to work on a saturday and at 7:30a.m.???? not me. but i had to since no one else will fill in on me. so here i am, just had a late lunch with jen and doing some paperwork. (on a saturday?!? take note. ON A SATURDAY!!!) i still have to go to studio 9 for the talent center anniversary mtv shoot then i can finally go home and get some quality shut-eye. i am soo damn tired already! i haven't had a day off for the past week and i still don't know when i can. and i will be boss-less for two months! not that i am complaining but i am just a little surprised at the amount of work that i have to do... pero sabi nga ni rico blanco, kaya ko 'to!

i'm having trouble breathing. maybe i should get some air...


p.s.
i love Hale! got their album and its sooo rockin my player right now! love it!

a child's innocence

found this story in my email. Just wanna share why i love kids... This is one of the many reasons.

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.

The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

"Nothing, I just helped him cry."

moving on..

akala ko natuto na ako. akala ko tapos na. natuldukan ko na ang lahat. that i can finally move on. buti na lang tama ang akala ko. mahal ko pa siya pero di ko na kaya. i guess its time to give up. wala na kong nakikitang dahilang kung bakit kelangan ko pang mag-stay sa isang relationship na purely one way!

okei, okei. this is the alcohol talking pero di ako sinungaling. i guess i am able to clear my thoughts this way. i had a long day at work (my boss in on maternity leave for two months, i think, so cut me some slack, okei?) and there are still some stuff troubling me.

so anyway. as i've told myself, doormats are for the feet, not for the heart. i hafta stop being one because di ko rin alam kung san ako pupulutin after once i decide to become one. or am i one already?

i guess so... pero i owe it to myself not to be one. so i am saying goodbye and moving on... sana kayanin ko 'to... i realized, its been a December-May love affair (one-sided na lng) and its about time to move on...

Shit.

Life's a rollercoaster.

And i'm on the front seat.

God help me.




p.s.
kelangan ko ba talagang makita pa yung mga babae nya???? this is bull...

kwentong barbero

naranasan mo na ba yung napapatanga ka at biglang natatahimik? yung biglang napapaisip? matutulog ka na lang tapos biglang may mapapansin at bubuntong hininga na lang.

himungi ng kumot si leng*, isa lang kasi yung binigay sa kanila ng kapatid niya. nung kumatok ako ako sa kwarto nila, dala yung hinihingi niyang kumot, tulog na silang magkapatid. napatingin ako kay leng... di ko lubusang maisip na itong babaeng 'to -- madaming naiinis dito. mataray, masungit, hitad, prinsesa. yan si leng. pero kung nakita lang nila siya ng mga sandaling yun.. nakakulubot. pinagkakasya ang katawan sa maliit at manipis na kumot na nakabalot sa kanya. frail and fragile, ika nga. ang lakas pa ng aircon nila... kinumutan ko si leng, naalimpungatan siya, nag thank you at bumalik sa tulog.

so nagtatanong ka siguro.. bakit ko naikwento ito? may konek yan, wait lang.


habang tinitingnan ko si leng, napaisip ako... ano ba itsura ko pag tulog? hindi ako kagaya niya na nakakulubot, di ko kaya yun eh, maliban nlng kung sobrang liit ng higaan. naisip ko, siguro pag natutulog ako, parang di babae yung natutulog. walang ka-finesse finesse, sabi ng lola ko. nung tinitingnan ko si leng, kung lalake ako ha, parang gusto ko siyang alagaan at protektahan. parang gugustuhin mong lumaban para sa kaniya, literally at figuratively. ngayon, kung ang itsura ko pag tulog eh parang kahit sa panaginip eh may kaaway ako... meron kayang mapapaisip ng mga naiisip ko para kay leng? meron kayang mapapaisip na alagaan ako at protektahan ako at lumaban para sa akin?

hanggang sa nagsanga-sanga na yung naisip ko...

kung may mga babaeng katulad ni leng, aba. ang swerte pala niya. at kawawa ang mga babaeng katulad ko. biruin mo, wala ka pa ngang ginagawa, meron nang gustong mag alaga sa iyo! samantalang ako, lagi na lang iisa ang nagiging papel sa buhay.. ang mag alaga ng ibang tao na kahit isang paimbabaw na salamat eh wala kang marinig...

may nakapagsabi sa akin, makikita mo rin yang dreamboy mo.. hmmm.. siguro, di bale na lang. kaya nga dreamboy eh, hanggang panaginip lang. kasi sa panaginip, lahat ng gusto mong mangyari, pwede. posible. dreamboy mo nga pero di ka naman kayang ipagtanggol, di ka kayang alagaan. no thanks! dun na lang ako sa totoo.. minsan kasi, nakakapagod din mag-alaga ng iba. pwede bang ako naman?




*name was changed for privacy ekek.